Author: nancyb422

I am a collector of family history - pictures, stories, facts - whatever I can get my hands on. I share that at It's All About Family. I started Thoughts From the Passenger Seat because I have a lot on my mind! It started riding on the back of my husband's motorcycle and on business appointments but I don't do much of either anymore but the thoughts are still there. I enjoy writing and I hope you find something that you connect with on either of my blogs. Thoughtsfromthepassengerseat.blog - Thoughts From the Passenger Seat NancyB422.com - It’s All About Family

Conversations with Aunt Judy – Part 2

Through the questions asked by Little Judy and her brother Jack, I’m going to share Aunt Judy’s answers and give a little background to her responses. If you missed the beginning, you can find it here. Let’s start with the early years.

There was a lot of conversation about Gram. She was quite a woman who had quite a secret! This is what she had to share about her mother.

What do you know about your mother’s early life?: She was quite a lady. She was not the person that people knew in the end. She was one of the lucky ones. She came here with no one. I don’t even know how she got here without a sponsor. She was lucky to be taken in by a rich woman – I don’t know her nationality or her name, but she immediately enrolled her in night school. That’s why she could speak English and learned at the niceties (Gram was this woman’s maid). That’s why she had so much poise. She was very fortunate.

How did she meet Grandpa? They both lived in Yonkers which was considered Germantown because that’s where all the Germans immigrated to. They were 3rd cousins and has to get dispensation. *This would mean they shared great great grandparents and in the early 1900s even 2nd cousins didn’t need dispensation so that might have been a family tale. Commonality appears to be with the Straub last name.

How many languages did she speak? She could speak German, Russian, and Polish, and she could understand “Jewish”. I bet out of all of us my mother had the highest IQ. She then followed that up with – I don’t know if my mother was any smarter than my dad but she had more balls than my father, yes she did!

Where did you learn to cook and sew? My mother! She could look at a piece of crochet and she could do it. She and Toots (the oldest daughter) would walk and window shop and if they saw a dress that Toots liked, she could just look at it then they’d go to Horowitz’s and buy the material and make a paper pattern and then the dress would be done the next day. I’m a good sewer but I could never do that! Gram didn’t need a pattern. There was nothing she couldn’t do and that’s why when we’d get shy about something she’d get so impatient with us! She’d say, “American boy got an education, and you can’t open your mouth?” She would open hers!

What else did Gram enjoy? She was an actress! She was in plays at the Polish (national) church a couple of times a year. I can still picture watching them! My mother and Aunt Mary (Gram’s sister-in-law). Aunt Mary was the boss – producer. Everyone would go to the church on Sunday night to watch. I don’t know what the hell they were saying but whatever she said, I guess it was the right thing because they’d all clap!”

What was Gram and Grandpa’s relationship like? She had a tough row to hoe. My father had a drinking problem. Fortunately, when he’d get drunk, he’d go up to bed and go to sleep. But he never lost a day’s work in his life. My mother got the paycheck. But just the same, to us, we knew Christmas would come, he was going to have too much to drink and then go to bed. It bothered us! Now we realize it wasn’t all that bad.

Tell us about your dad My dad and his brothers were hatters. When we moved to New Britain, he owned a hat company (The Conrad Hat Company). Dad was not a business-type guy but he would have been very successful if he was. He was a soft-hearted guy and the politicians in New Britain would come in and take advantage of him, having a hat made and saying they’d pay him later and they never did. He couldn’t pay his insurance, had a fire, and went out of business. They moved to Wallingford so he could find a job. He did get a job in the steel mill and his mother and stepfather gave them $500 to put a deposit on the house at 121 Clifton Street.

Who graduated from High School and when did everyone start working? Tootsie (15), Connie (14), and Lou (11) didn’t attend any school once they moved to Wallingford. Tootsie did housework until she could get into the factory. Connie grew up to be a fabulous baker but I don’t know if he started working for one right away. Lou went to the farm (Wallingford was filled with farms in the 1920s) and pretty much lived there. Judy graduated high school, and Betty graduated high school and went to business school. She was asked why did everyone start working. “Because there was no money!” Think about it – 5 kids, dad with no job, moving to a new town – everyone had to pitch in.

My mom, Betty front left, cousin Pauline right. Back cousin Katherine and Judy in cap

I’m going to end here and next, we’ll hear from Aunt Judy about her life growing up, meeting Uncle Mal, and their life together!

Conversations with Aunt Judy – The Prologue

Around 2009, my cousin Jack took the home movies that our Uncle Mal Bellafronto recorded and, I don’t know the magic involved, combined them onto DVDs with my Aunt Judy Bellafronto and my cousin, Judy Behme discussing what was recorded. These three DVDs range from the mid-1930s with Uncle Mal playing football for a local team through the late 1970s with my sisters and I cheerleading at a high school Thanksgiving Day game.

He gave the cousins each copies and they are something I treasure and find myself watching every couple of years. Each time I do, I find something else precious to view.

As I was once again organizing my “Family History” space which is one end of the room over our garage, I found an additional DVD that I’m sure I watched when we first received it. I popped it into the DVD slot on my 2008 Mac Desktop and started watching. Then quickly grabbed a notebook and a pen and started transcribing.

It is approximately 45 minutes of “The Judys”. Jack and Judy Behme (his sister and forever known as “Little Judy”) asked questions of their aunt’s life growing up, meeting Uncle Mal, and their marriage. I recognized some of the answers which I know I’ve shared here and there in the past but I didn’t appreciate the stories and details until now.

I’ll share the background and facts in this post and then over the next posts break it out in sections. So let’s start….

Julia Gertrude Posluszny was born on May 15, 1917 in Yonkers NY to Julianna (Ingram) and Konrad Posluszny. She was their fourth child and the second girl in the family. Her siblings were Antoinette (Tootsie 1909), Conrad (Connie 1910), Louis (Louie 1913).

The family moved from Yonkers around 1920 to East Hampton, MA, then to New Britain in 1921, and to Wallingford CT in 1925 where Konrad’s mother, stepfather, and half brother lived. They moved into a new home at 121 Clifton Street where family lived until 1988.

She went to school in Wallingford, graduated in 1935 and met and married Malcolm Bellafronto in 1939. They had 2 sons and resided in Wallingford in a house on Lincoln Avenue. In the late 70s/early 80s, Uncle Mal retired from teaching at a tech school and they moved to Florida where they lived happily for many years.

Uncle Mal passed away in January of 2002 at the age of 88. As Aunt Judy became elderly, she moved to New York, but first spent some time in Morocco living with her granddaughter and her family! Once in New York, she resided in a nursing home and passed away on December 24, 2016 just 6 months shy of her 100th birthday.

To my sisters and I growing up, she was our stylish aunt. We enjoyed going to her house and she made us outfits for Easter for a number of years. She and Uncle Mal had a cottage at Pickeral Lake we would visit frequently on Sundays during the summer and use the cottage for a week some summers.

She had a wonderful laugh and we loved to listen to her stories (and gossip!). The last time we saw her was in 2013 at our former cottage in Lebanon Ct for a family reunion when her granddaughter Cathy, husband Fred and their 4 children came to the U.S. Aunt Judy’s son Bob and I put together the event and Aunt Judy was there along with her son Mal and his two sons Mal (III) and Eric. She was 96 at the time (Impossible!) and as quick witted as ever.

I look forward to putting the questions and answers into story and hope you enjoy this journey with me!

July 4th Memories

From early childhood in the 1960s until my early 20s, our 4th of July was spent at our relatives’ cottages at Pickerel Lake in Colchester, Connecticut. They were owned by my mother’s sister and her husband and my mother’s brother and his wife. They were all good friends and found this property and decided to put two homes on it with a common staircase from the road and a shared beach area.

It was about 45 minutes from our home in Wallingford and even though we went frequently throughout the summer, the 4th of July was a special party. It was a family reunion!

Besides the regular cast of characters there were people we saw on this day only. From Wallingford, my grandfather’s sister Aunt Mary Biega and his half-brother Walter Bonk and his wife Bea were there every year. I thought for the longest time that she was his mother! Walt and Bea had 3 daughters and they would be there with their families.

From the Fairfield area were the “Fairfield Posts”. Although they were all born Posluszny, a few of the brothers changed their last name to Post. The Polish “L” has the ~ through it so they just lopped off the rest of the letters! Joseph and Anna would be there along with their adult children and families.

There would always hard rolls from New York Bakery in Wallingford that we would stuff with my mother’s sausage and peppers with a piece of cheese on top. Clam chowder, hot dogs and hamburgers and delicious desserts. Every one brought something to share.

The adults would play cards at the picnic table, and there would be horseshoes or bocci going on in the middle of everything because there wasn’t much flat space!

Kids would be swimming out to the raft to hang out or to play “Toss People Off the Raft”. There were rowboats, and a canoe to take out and Uncle Mal was always willing to take people out in his sunfish. He’d have his moccasins on his feet and pipe in his mouth as we sailed around the lake. There were tubes to float around in – remember when they used to be actual car tire tubes? – and the fish loved to bite your butt as you floated around! Each cottage had a motorboat and if we were lucky, we’d get to go out in it and every luckier, got to waterski.

Kids in the life raft we brought, someone in a big tube, and people on the raft. Uncle Mal’s motorboat and the canoe in the foreground. Way in the back you can see the big rock that of course we called Plymouth Rock.

I don’t recall having fireworks there as it definitely wasn’t like it is now with fireworks from June 1st through the end of summer! The sun would set and we would pack our belongings and head on home. Sometimes we would catch town fireworks going off as we drove home.

The relatives moved to Florida in the 80s and held on to the cottages to stay at in the summer for a few years but eventually sold them. By then we were off to our own 4th of July parties.

My husband and I had a summer cottage at a nearby lake for 12 years and one time we took our kayaks over to Pickerel Lake to paddle the lake and see the houses again. It was a nice trip down memory lane. The lake felt so much smaller than I remember and the opposite side of the lake that was always home free, had homes at one end! It was nice to see them one last time.

White House – Aunt Judy and Uncle Mal’s. Blue House – Auntie Irene and Uncle Lou

Every 4th of July I think back to those family reunions and the fun we had swimming and spending time together. I’m grateful that although we may not be together on the 4th, we continue to celebrate holidays together with these same people as we’ve grown older and had families of our own.

A June 24, 1912 Wedding

Antonia Liro and Charles Steven Jakiela June 24/1912

My grandparents, Antonia Liro and Charles Jakiela met in Palmer Massachusetts most likely while working at one of the textile mills in the area.

Antonia arrived in the United States in 1910 and heading directly to Massachusetts to the home of her sister, Angela and brother in law Joseph Mikula.

Charles arrived in 1906 but his original destination was to Southington Connecticut (South Kingston on his ship manifest) to his uncle, Jan Jakiela. The only record for a Jan Jakiela I could find in Southington was for one who had been arrested for theft. Whatever the case, he ended up in Palmer Massachusetts, perhaps for work.

They were not there for long after that, as their first son Steven was born on May 11, 1913 in Southington Connecticut. Southington was home to hardware and silver factories and had a large Polish population.

Antonia with my dad John (?) on her lap approximately 1925-26 Polish Falcons Club

They lived in a variety of different rentals in the South Center Street area. He likely worked at the Southington Hardware Company on South Center Street. This is where they were living when Antonia died from complications of pregnancy with her sixth child a few months before their fifteenth wedding anniversary.

Saturday, April 2, 1927 edition of The Journal, Meriden CT

There are so many unanswered stories and questions. How did they meet and fall in love? What did they say when they talked about their future? Why did they move to Southington? What would she have said about her five children as they grew up and raised children of their own? How did Charles handle June 24, 1927 such a short time after she passed away and now he, a widower, with 5 children to raise ages 14, 12, 7, 5, and 3 and every anniversary after that until he died in 1935.

“You work with your Husband!?”

Who do you spend the most time with?

This is a comment I’ve heard so many times in the 23+ years my husband and I have owned our remodeling business (Bencar Building Systems). But for both of us, 95% of the time, it’s been a pleasure!

At the 2022 Record Journal (Meriden CT) Readers Choice awards dinner

We have been married since 1988 and when he decided to strike out on his own in 1999, I knew he would need help and that people would expect a person to be there answering the phone. How else are you going to get business. Big leap of faith, but sometimes I have it in me!

So after a day of working together, we go home to each other! There were days I liked my boss better than my husband and some days couldn’t wait to go home to my husband, but we always work it out.

We spend all weekend together too! We both have our own interests but he’s definitely the one person I see the most.

I guess I’m just really lucky!

The World Series Chauffeur

In 1950, my dad was 26 years old, living with his older brother, sister-in-law, and their 2 boys, and working as a house painter.

It was early October and the New York Yankees, defending champions, were in the world series against the Philadelphia Phillies. The Yankees were up 3 games to none and game 4 was on October 7, 1950, at 2:05 pm with Whitey Ford on the mound.

Since my dad’s beloved New York Dodgers were out with an 89-65-1 record, there wasn’t much left for him to cheer about but that never stopped him from watching a game. He just loved baseball and that day was his lucky day.

His brother Steve asked him to drive him and his friends to the game so they could have a few drinks without worrying about driving home and as payment, he would give him a ticket to the game. How could he resist!?

They all saw Whitey Ford, “Chairman of the Board”, emphatically shut the door on the Phillies season pitching 8.2 innings, giving up 7 hits, 2 runs, 1 base on balls, and 7 strikeouts and a 5-2 Yankees win to repeat as World Series Champions.

I think my dad had a very special relationship with his oldest brother, Steve because when their father Charles Jakiela died, Steve was 23 and my dad just turning 11. Steve and Eddie (21) were born before their dad went into WWI, and Helen (15), Walter (13), and my dad were born after. If you want a look back, here is the story of my dear grandmother, Antonia Liro Jakiela. Steve became my dad’s surrogate father and certainly helped to make my dad the wonderful dad he was to us.

The Racer and The Blonde Bombshell

This picture was always a favorite of mine on display at my father-in-law Paul Reinhart’s home in California. You can check out my first story about him here and there will be more to come. But this one is the best and it’s in his own words because it was his first win! So I’ll let Paul tell the story….

I’ve gone through driving school and had run Stockton (California), without much success. We finished Saturday and lost the coil Sunday. Never again left the key in the ignition so it can be left on. Entered Cotati (Raceways, California) and it was highly promoted and big entry list. We all belonged to N.C.C.A. (North California Corvette Association), one of the first and largest corvette clubs in the country. This club decided to promote a charity race. The charity was cerebral palsy and to get the crowd out, it was decided to get a big star as a trophy girl. For a sum of money, we got Jayne Mansfield.

The club was well organized and did a wonderful job promoting. Placards and handbills were everywhere. Every Corvette from the north was there – Ray Altman, Sandy Greenblatt, Bill Sherwood, Bob Eagleson, Neil Schraeder, Danny Raffetto, Red Faris, and probably Dave MacDonald from the south. Dave had been labeled a cheater at Stockton so he was going to show it was no fluke. There were others.

I was still driving my ’57 to the races, so it was street driven every day with a full windshield and bumpers. With all that weight we were not competitive yet so Saturday we were about sixth and hoping to finish about there Sunday.

As the Sunday race got started, I was running sixth and seventh and holding my own, but as the forty-minute race unfolded, one by one of the front runners broke or spun. Here I am leading and trying not to screw up. Against that competition, this street-driven Corvette won.

It was a big moment for me, even though Jayne Mansfield taking the victory lap made it special. We kissed for the photographers and the crowd loved it.

He’s got eyes for her but she’s got eyes for the camera!

In those days as now, the Corvette race was as big as the main event itself. It was probably the largest amateur event to date on the West Coast so it got a lot of ink. It also made me realize that I could run with these guys. it was the beginning of a run of wins and near wins.

What a treasure to read stories in his own words. He never bragged but he was always happy to share if we asked!

The Season of Betty – The End and The Beginning

I started this story over a year ago. I’m not sure it’s made me feel any
better but it’s an unburdening of sorts because we all just put on brave faces
during those 9 weeks. Nine weeks. They go by in the blink of an eye these days but in 1987 it felt like 9 years.

My mother died on Saturday, April 4, 1987, one day before her 65th birthday. It was between 8:30 and 9am. I was sitting on her bed with her and I noticed she’d stop breathing for a couple of beats and then start again. I called for my father to come and let him stay with her while I called my aunts to let them know it was going to be very soon. I’m sure I called my sisters too. I left to pick up my Aunt Tootsie so my parents could be together.

I have debated with myself about the amount of detail for this post. I decided to keep it brief.

We all went with my father to select her casket and plan the funeral. Father Merusi, one of our former priests, who was now in Meriden, requested to perform the mass as he knew my mother well from the Mother’s Circle club and working on and chairing the church Bazaar. The wake was on Monday night and the funeral was on Tuesday morning at Holy Trinity Church in Wallingford. It was very beautiful and for many years I kept the sign-in book and all the cards that we received. I found it comforting to read how people felt about her.

Something very frustrating at the wake was to hear her friends or acquaintances say: “Oh, you know I’d see her at the store and say Hi and she didn’t even acknowledge me”. Or people she worked with in a small office said: “She would fall asleep at her desk during work”. People, if someone is acting strange, find a way to say something to someone!

There was one notable moment for me when the limousine pulled up to the church. Just before we opened the door to exist my father said, “Now I don’t want anyone crying”. It stunned me. I thought “You can’t tell us that!”. I was dry-eyed through the ceremony until I saw my sister’s friend. I don’t know why, but I started sobbing and wasn’t able to stop until we exited the church. Knowing now about my father’s childhood, I’m fairly certain it was what he heard as a soon-to-be 11-year-old boy from his older brother when they buried their father in 1935 after a hit-and-run accident as he walked along Route 5. It must have been so traumatic for him.

After the funeral, we had a gathering at VFW in Wallingford. From there, I recall my father and I going home and some relatives came to the house. He entertained them but I immediately changed into my workout clothes and dashed out of the house to go to the fitness center where I was a member and had gone every night during these 9 weeks. I was ready to and had to, get back to “normal” life.

I read Jhumpa Lahiri’s Unaccustomed Earth last month and there was a short story about a mother’s death from cancer after being ill for a number of years. The young man talked of his grandparents arriving from India and breaking down when they realize their daughter is no longer alive. “….grieving freshly for my mother as neither my father nor I had done. Being with her through her illness day after day had denied us that privilege.”

This passage was like a punch in the nose. I felt guilty for being relieved that I could just be again, because that meant, in my mind, I was relieved my mother had died. I didn’t see it as she was free from suffering, I saw it as I no longer had to take care of her. She’d already left me and I’d already done my mourning when she was diagnosed. When the time came to really mourn her with all her friends and relatives, it was too late. It had passed. I had moved on.

The bright spot going forward was the vacation I had to postpone when she stopped eating was coming up in three weeks! I was all set. I was going with my friend Cindy and my plan was to bring a bunch of books and spend the week lying on the beach reading! HA – little did I know my mother had other plans for me…..!

Camping Memories – One of Many

Hammonasset Beach was one of our favorite places to camp – especially after Labor Day!

We’d go online and reserve our spot for Beach Road for a late September trip. The campgrounds would be nearly deserted, the crowds of the summer, long gone.

The beach was so close, it was easy to get a sunrise or sunset, which anyone who knows me, knows is something I can’t pass up! I just had to stay until that sun dropped below the horizon, taking picture after picture.

Cody, Jessie, and Char would invent games to play, watch their dads fish, or just run along the beach until they were worn out.

Every night there was a campfire with marshmallows and we’d all be bundled up because it was getting cold at night! But our campers kept us all so snuggly and warm throughout the night – until that sun popped over the horizon.

As Cody got older, it was difficult to get a weekend away between sports. We finally sold the camper but I think we all remember our Hammonasset Beach Road weekends.

The Season of Betty – Part 3

Where were we? Oh yes, we left off on my mother’s first night home from the hospital. We moved a bed down to the dining room and set it up for her until my dad got a hospital bed for her.

The next morning, my Aunt Tootsie and Auntie Edna showed up to begin their weekday routine. They would sit working on their crafts, cleaning, making food for my mother, and making us dinner. They knew each other superficially; Aunt Tootsie was my mother’s sister and Auntie Edna was my father’s sister-in-law. My mother and Auntie Edna loved to drive around town hitting tag (garage) sales on the weekend.

Aunt Bea (by marriage), mom, Aunt Tootsie, Grammy seated

My dad and I went off to our jobs knowing my mother was in good hands. I loved my job at Channel 8 so much, it helped me put everything else out of my mind. My boss and friends were so kind about what I was going through.

My dad and I developed a routine of dinner together, then I’d head out to Spa Lady in North Haven for my workout, and when I came home, my dad would head down to the VFW. He came home before 10, and we’d get my mom ready for bed. Gail would come over to help and visit in the evenings too. She and my dad both worked at Gaylord Hospital so they would talk about people they knew.

It became apparent early on that my mother wasn’t going to be mobile for very long. I had to help her to the bathroom when I was home but not realizing how weak she was, I lost grip and bang her head into the wall a couple of times! She would laught and say “it’s ok!” while I was apologizing profusely! It wasn’t long before she was bedridden and using a commode. You don’t realize how capable you are until you have to take care of someone in this way. The first time, I might have gagged and freaked out a little. The second and beyond, no big deal.

I realized it was a small blessing that my boyfriend and I broke up in October. He lived in Hamden and I spent all my time there. If I had still been all wrapped up with him, I’m not sure what my attitude or reaction to all of this change would have been. He was still the first person I called from the hospital though when we got my mother’s diagnosis. I knew he still cared about me and I needed someone to talk to. I knew if I called him for anything during these next months, he’d be there to help me out.

Throughout the 2 months that she was sick, a visiting nurse came to the house 3 times a week. It was comforting to have her come over. A very strange thing happened one time she was there. She was checking my mother out and my mother reached out and rubbed her stomach. Come to find out she was pregnant but not showing yet! How did my mother know?

On weekends, we’d sit with her watching tv and I guess I cooked for the three of us! I definitely don’t remember. I’d go out with my friends either Friday or Saturday especially when Janice came down from Massachusetts because she’d stay overnight. I’d be out very late – I’ll leave it at that!

So diagnosis date was January 31, 1987 and we were advised by the nurse that we’d know the final stage when my mother stopped eating. Well, that happened on a Sunday in March and it must have been March 15th because I was heading to the St. Patrick’s Day parade in New Haven. Oh, I tried to make her eat! It was like trying to feed an infant who didn’t want to eat but without the crying (ok, I was), and head shaking. I just could not get her to eat. How long can someone go without eating? Long enough if they are still drinking fluids, which she was.

t was quite the afternoon and evening at the parade. These were the days when you could walk out of the bar with a drink and watch the parade!

But I had a decision to make. I was scheduled to go on a vacation with five other girls to Jamaica in a couple of weeks! It was a trip planned before she got sick. There was no doubt in my mind that I would cancel the trip. It would have been foolish to go and expect every minute to get a phone call telling me she had died. I was selfish at times but not that much! Another friend was trying to join our trip so we decided to wait until after my mother passed away and go together. It was a fateful decision.

I’m going to leave off here and pick up in another post – soon, I promise.