Tag: brain tumor

The Season of Betty – About Betty Part 1

Betty was born Elizabeth Ann Posluszny on April 5, 1922, in New Britain Connecticut where her family – mother, father, 2 brothers, and 2 sisters – lived in the 2-story house of her mother’s Ingram relative. She was five years younger than her next sibling and 13 years removed from her oldest sister Antoinette (Tootsie).

Her family had left Yonkers New York around 1921, lived briefly in East Hampton MA, and then moved on to New Britain where my grandfather worked as a hatter and also owned a hat shop – Conrad Hat Company at 317 Main Street. The family story is, that it burned down and he had no insurance. In 1925, they are all living at 121 Clifton Street in Wallingford which was “brand new” and where someone in the family lived until 1989. Conrad went to work at the steel mill after working in the hat industry his whole adult life.

Betty was a little bit spoiled but most information about her over the years came from her sister Judy who was the baby of the family until Betty came along! When the family moved to Wallingford her oldest sister didn’t move on to high school. She worked for people at Choate cleaning (not verifiable). If Betty wanted something and her mother couldn’t afford it, she would tell Tootsie to buy it for Betty. Both Gram and Tootsie were incredible seamstresses and could look at something in a store window, go home, and re-create it.

In high school, Betty bowled, played basketball, and was a drum major with the marching band. After graduating she went to Laurel School of Business Administration in Meriden and then went to work at one of the International Silver factory offices.

Because she was quite a bit younger than her siblings, they were getting married and having kids when she was still a teenager! Her older brother Lou and his wife Irene, had their first child, Judith, when Betty was 19. This is the same Judy who was such an incredible help to us before her diagnosis, during her illness, and when she died. Judy and Betty had a close relationship because of the time spent together when Judy was growing up. My sisters and I share a close relationship with Judy’s kids they are both smiling down on.

She traveled quite a bit based on the postcards she wrote and then took them back from family members she sent them to! She and her sister Tootsie took a trip to Texas in 1943 to visit their brother Connie while he was in the army. The following year, she and her friends traveled to California to visit her mother’s sister, Tante Lizzie, and Uncle Ben who lived in Los Angeles. There were also many trips to Atlantic City, Washington DC, and one trip to a ranch in New York to ride horses! Her photos from these trips were all put in albums and labeled with names and dates and are a wonderful look back at her life.

She also had a few boyfriends! She and her girlfriends were always in pictures with different guys, but I’m sure they were just friends! There was one though, Angelo Losi, that her sister Judy says my mom really thought she would marry. Another serious one was a young man in the army from Boone Iowa. Unfortunately, his mother died and he went home, never to return. But, as we know, everything happens for a reason!

While working in an office and bowling in a league, Betty became friendly with Helen Jakiela and Helen’s brother John would give them a ride home. Helen knew something was up when John started bringing her home first! I don’t know what year this was but I do know that they dated for a few years because Betty gave John an ultimatum of “either propose or move on!”. That was the nudge that John needed. They were engaged and got married on November 8, 1952.

Janice came along in September of 1958 and “the twins” Nancy and Gail in April of 1960. They bought the house I now live in on Atkinson Lane in May of 1961 with its 4 bedrooms sitting on almost a half acre of land with apple trees, a cherry tree, raspberry bushes, and more. A dream house for a family of five!

Betty was a full-time mom until we were in 4th and 6th grade. She was very involved with Mother’s Circle at Holy Trinity Church, Mother of Twins Club, and any bake sales or book clubs happening at school. She was the president of both organizations. When the church started its bazaar, she was always involved in running a booth and eventually was chairman of the whole thing!

She went back to work as an office manager for different small companies and helped my dad with the bookkeeping at the paint store. Her last job was working for our neighbor’s construction company. There were 2 brothers who built many of the developments in Wallingford. Her office would move at the start of every development to the first home built. She really enjoyed working for them and with the other employees and talking with their friends who would stop by the office. We remain good friends with them and their children whom we used to babysit!

Her last big adventure before she got sick, I told you about it in my first post was when she won a trip to Ireland on St. Patrick’s Day 1986. She and my dad flew there in August and spent a week on a bus tour and also on their own. They had a wonderful time and she brought us back wonderful gifts. I’m so glad they had that one final adventure to remember before everything happened.

So this was Betty’s life up to her illness. Next time will be about what made Betty – Betty.

The Season of Betty Part 2

This story is going to take some turns and dips – not unlike any story that comes from the mouths of Jakiela girls! If you missed Part 1 – you can find it here. It’s where it all begins in the fall of 1986.

As days went by in January of 1987, I noticed she was staying up into the middle of the night. I would see the light on downstairs (she was a bit of a night owl anyway). One night I heard my father crying in the bedroom and marched downstairs and asked her “what are you doing? Why are you still up?” and started crying. I climbed into her lap and she held me until I stopped. You know in her mind, she was terrified, but never said what she was thinking. Shortly after that, my father and sister took her to her doctor. He sent them to Meriden-Wallingford Hospital for a CT Scan and MRI on Friday, January 31, 1987.

I remember very clearly I was at the copy machine in the Traffic Department at WTNH when I heard my name being called over the speakers that I had a telephone call. I picked it up and heard my sister Gail say, “Mommy has a brain tumor. She’s at the hospital. Do you want Marty (Gail’s husband) to come and pick you up?” I said no, talked of meeting at the hospital, and hung up. I told my friends in the area and then my boss and left for the hospital. Jan got the same phone call and she headed down from her home as well. At that time the Meriden Hospital was on Cook Avenue. Ironically, the first time I was there was to be born, and the last was to hear my mother was going to die.

Once there, we met with a doctor who told us she had a Glioblastoma Multiforme which is a rapid growth brain tumor and was quickly taking over. Right after she was admitted, we saw an immediate and significant change in her. It was shocking. She must have struggled so hard to hide whatever she was going through! My heart breaks now when I think about it. Jan is a nurse and she helped us to make some sense of what was going on and was able to ask the medical staff questions and be direct until they answered!

I don’t know what was going through my father’s head. Probably “what the hell do we do now?!”. He owned and ran a paint store in Meriden that he had to man every day. We called family members to let them know what was going on. It was a foregone conclusion that mommy was going to die. Not if, but when. They gave her four to six months. My sisters and I sat in the hospital cafeteria and decided that we would bury her in the dress she bought for Gail’s wedding. She bought this dress and would not tell anyone how much she spend on it! We had all quickly accepted the fact that this was happening and we couldn’t change the outcome.

There was no Hospice in 1987 like we know it now. Connecticut Hospice in Branford had just opened in 1980! Immediately, Aunt Tootsie (mom’s oldest sister by 13 years) and Auntie Edna (dad’s sister-in-law/wife of oldest Brother Steve) offered to come and stay with her Monday through Friday so we could continue working. What a relief!

We got through the weekend and I took Monday off to spend time with my mother in the hospital. I thought the brain tumor was definitely taking over when she told me she was going home that day! What the heck?! I went to the nurses’ station and sure enough, she was being discharged. It was just me with my little Dodge Colt getting my mother into the car. I called my father from the hospital payphone or when we finally got home but we were not prepared!

Once home we got her settled in a chair and brought a bed downstairs and set it up in the dining room. She was very unsteady on her feet and it was clear this thing was still growing. I started sleeping on the couch in the living room that night in case she needed anything and we all settled in on our first night of a new existence.