mothers – Page 2 – It's All About Family

More Cousin Memories

I started my memories of my cousin Mal here and I’m going to continue the story now.

In Mal’s senior year of high school, he and 5 other young men in the state were selected by Senator Thomas Dodd to take the special examinations for an appointment to the Naval Academy. The senator “bypassed” the standard selection of principal and alternate and instead placed all of them chosen on a competitive basis and he was one of the two.

*Mal’s graduation from Notre Dame HS West Haven*

Mal headed off to Annapolis in 1960, the same year my twin and I were born, and our older sister was 2 years old – and he was our first cousin – a whole different generation.

Mal went to Annapolis with plans to play football. My Aunt Judy said he had to stop because of headaches but according to his obituary it was “an epic boxing match” that put an end to his football career.

Parents weekend freshman year

When Mal was in high school he started dating Margaret Donroe – Margie – from Hamden. My aunt would tell us how they would be on the phone and Mal would have the phone resting on his shoulder as Margie just chatted away on the phone and he would grunt occasionally to let her know he was listening. Margie was so vivacious and pretty and I just thought they were the most beautiful couple in the world!

*Margie at Bob’s Holy Trinity school graduation 1960*

Naval Academy graduation June 3, 1964

June was a busy time for the Bellafronto Family! Mal graduated from the Naval Academy on Wednesday, June 3 1964.

He and Marge were married three days later in Hamden Connecticut on Saturday, June 6th. My sisters and I were 6 and 4 and we were at the wedding but I’m not sure about the reception.

After their wedding and honeymoon, Mal and Marge headed off to his duty station in Yokosuka Japan where he would be aboard the guided missile light cruiser the USS Oklahoma City, the flagship of the 7th Fleet.

While they were in Japan, I would look out my bedroom window and watch the sun come up over the hill and I would think that on the other side of the hill was Japan and as the sun set there, it came up here! Their oldest son, Malcolm III, was born in Japan and their second son, Eric, was born in San Francisco after his tour was completed.

*Japan was going to sleep on the other side of this hill…*

Whenever they would come to the east coast, Aunt Judy made sure everyone got together to visit with them.

After Mal left the Navy, he got into the paper industry. I remember them living in Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, maybe Illinois, California, and finally Oregon. It was too bad that by the time I moved to California, they had already moved!

As the years went by, we didn’t see them as often because Aunt Judy and Uncle Mal moved to Florida.

When my cousin Bill got married in Illinois in 1987, we were together with Mal and Marge (known as Maggie by then) for the first time in a long time. Aunt Judy and Uncle Mal were there too, and we’ve always had such a fun time being with them, this visit was no exception.

*Marge, Mal, Aunt Judy, Uncle Mal, and my twin Gail*, *his goddaughter*

I saw Marge one last time at their son Eric’s wedding in San Jose in 1993 or 94 when we were living in California. Sadly, she passed away in 2009 after a reoccurrence of breast cancer.

Fast forward….

In 2013, Mal’s brother Bob was hosting a family reunion at our cottage in Lebanon CT for his daughter Cathy and her family visiting from Morocco. Mal, young Mal, and Eric came out from the west coast for the party. Bob and his wife Teri brought Aunt Judy who was now 96 years old. We had a wonderful time visiting with everyone! It felt like one of the Posluszny Fourth of July parties I’ve written about. We shared hours of memories and a lot of laughter.

The following year, 2014, Mal and Mary, his partner of a few years, were heading east. Mal would be attending his 40th Naval Academy reunion. I met with Mal during the week and we took a walk around the home on Clifton Street that his mother and mine grew up in. It was in bad shape after water damage and (probably) foreclosure, but the walkway to the back of the house was still there and the odd little entry into the basement.

I also contacted the owner of the family home on Lincoln Avenue to arrange a visit there. Their parents bought the house from Aunt Judy and Uncle Mal and they bought it from their parents. It really is a great neighborhood! We both enjoyed walking through the house, seeing the changes, and seeing what stayed the same.

Mary came out the following week, we had dinner together, and they stayed at our cottage in Lebanon Ct. The cottage his family had for the majority of his years growing up was in the next town so he and Mary spent time driving around the area and visiting the former family cottage on Pickerel Lake.

That would be the last time I saw him, but I enjoyed an email exchange, infrequent but more frequent than that with other long-distance family (hint, hint).

I talked to Mary, his partner last week and we had a nice conversation about their time together and my memories of him.

Malcolm James Bellafronto Jr 1942-2014

Traveling the United States

The Week 28 topic for 52 Ancestors in 52 Week is Trains.

It’s fortunate that I saved my mother’s albums of photos and postcards she collected in her teens and 20s. They gave me a look at some of the trips she took.

The first extensive trip she took, along with her sister Tootsie, was to San Antonio Texas in 1943 to visit their brother Connie. Connie was stationed at Fort Sam Houston, arriving sometime in May of 1943.

It will be no surprise to anyone in our family that he was in the Quartermaster Corps of the Army, which was in charge of food and clothing, and specifically the Bakery Company. He was working at Hellman’s Bakery in Wallingford when he enlisted and after he returned, as well as owning a bakery for some years.

Betty and Toots started off in August of 1943 most likely taking the trolley to New Haven and a train to New York. I love that postcards were the mode of communication!

*“We’re off!” Postcards to parents and Connie*

They stopped in St. Louis Missouri from Thursday until their next train departed on Sunday. I wonder how much sightseeing they did!

There were in San Antonio by August 28th and visited with Connie, saw the sites of the city and met many people on the way and in San Antonio. The ladies with my mother and aunt in the picture are spouses of Connie’s friends. On the way is always more fun than the trip home, so there are no postcards from their way home, but they made it back safely.

*Connie, back middle, sitting with friends*

Betty took another trip the following year, in September 1944, to Los Angeles California to visit with her Tante Lizzie and Uncle Bernard Weiss. They had been living there since 1935. Bernard worked as a “brush painter” at a movie studio and although no occupation is listed for Elizabeth in the 1940 census, family lore says they were domestic help (maid and chauffeur) for an family. When the family was on vacation for the summer Elizabeth and Ben would either drive east to visit family or travel to Europe to visit family. My mom saved the postcards they sent as they made their way to and from California!

*Postcards from her first stop in Chicago*

It’s touching that one of her cards was specifically to her father and sad to think he would be gone 3 months later. That’s a story for another time.

The postmarks from Chicago are September 4 and it might have taken another 2 to 4 days to travel to Los Angeles. The following two postcards are dated September 13th and 18th.

My mother was so good at labeling pictures but she didn’t always provide last names of her girlfriends! I’m guessing the girl with her is her cousin, Pauline Wirth who was the same age as Betty. I know they were fairly close, although she lived in Queens with her family, and her mother Mary, was Elizabeth and Julianna’s sister so the trip would make sense.

While there, they had a visit from some neighborhood boys, Bernard Orosz and Peter Kliarsky and visited Grauman’s Chinese Theater.

Again, there are no postcards on the trip home! But they appear to have made it home safely.

I would love to take a train across the country, traveling in a sleeper car or roommate to get away from people if I need to but I also know there are usually delays and that might make me crazy.

The Trip of a Lifetime

The Week 27 topic of 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is Airplanes.

I told you about my dad’s experience being stationed in England during WWII in the Effects of War post in June. That’s pretty much the extent of any stories about airplanes because most of my other family members were in the Navy! But here’s a fun memory –

St. Patrick’s Day in 1986 was on a Monday. On that morning, while upstairs getting ready for work, I heard a commotion downstairs. My mother was in the kitchen having breakfast, what happened? I suddenly remembered, she was in competition to win a trip to Ireland through WELI 960 radio and OMG her name must have been called!

I raced downstairs to check on her and yes, they said her name! Evidently, she called once and was so hysterical they hung up on her! Finally she got through to them to claim her prize. An all-expense paid trip for two to Ireland!

My parents, both in their early 60s, had never been on a plane before! They applied and received their passports, applied for a credit card, received their foreign country drivers license, and they were ready to go on August 26, 1986.

I remember the day they left, someone from my mother’s office was driving them from Connecticut to JFK airport and he was late picking them up! I’m sure they were silently swearing while waiting for him and on the ride, but they made it!

I have no record of their travel while there, but I know they kissed the Blarney Stone, stayed at some little bed and breakfast sites, and shopped. My mom bought me a kilt in the Dress Stewart pattern and claddagh earrings because I already had a ring. I wore the skirt for years and hung onto it for many more.

They had a wonderful seven days exploring Ireland together before returning home on September 2nd.

It is fortunate they had this time together because only a few months later my mother started exhibiting signs of memory loss. At the end of January 1987, she was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiform, and she passed away on April 4, 1987. I’m grateful they were able to experience this trip of a lifetime!

Family Gatherings

The week 26 topic for 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is Family Gathering.

I have written many times about my family celebrating holidays together and celebrating our birthdays with a Sunday party into our late teens. It was always so nice to have everyone together. I’m grateful that my aunts and uncles, whose children already had children of their own, took the time to celebrate our birthdays.

I’m going to turn to my husband’s family tonight. His mother’s Gallaway side gather together every June in Meeker Oklahoma for a celebration. The attendees are all descendants of Seth Gallaway and Mary Elizabeth Flowers.

Seth, born in Texas in 1859 and Mar, born in Illinois in 1867, were married in Texas in 1883 and quickly started their family with their first born in 1884, who sadly died that same year.

Never fear! They went on to have 13 more children with only one not living past infancy. Mark’s grandmother was one of those 13, Vergia Cleo, born in 1909. She was their 11th child.

Vergia married Jack Armstrong and they had five children which included Mark’s mom, Wanda.

*Seth, Mary, James* *(11), John (10), Charles (7), Mattie (4), Sarah (1) photo abt. 1897*

As you can imagine, with 13 children there are many descendants! One of the cousins, Carol Watson, who also enjoys family history research, has organized the reunion for many years. Up until recently, she was also the family representative for the cemetery where family members are buried.

Mark, Cody, and I attended the reunion in 2001 where we met so many relatives it was mind boggling! It took a long time for us to get back but Mark and I attended the 2024 reunion and spent quality time with his mom’s siblings, Uncle Charlie, Uncle Johnny, and Aunt Kathryn.

*Aunt Kathryn and Mark – she looks so much like Mark’s mom!*

There were approximately 75 people of all ages at the reunion and it was pot luck so we were able to taste delicious baked beans, salads, and brisket!

We had such a good time and I know we will be back.

How’s Your Health

The Topic for Week 23 of 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is HEALTH.

When I think about my parents’ and their siblings and parents health, I take into consideration the time period they all lived. Although foods would have been fresher, they also smoked unfiltered cigarettes, drank and didn’t have a fitness regime like we do today!

In looking at the lives of my mother and father and their siblings and parents, the ages they died are all over the place. It doesn’t really reflect what their health was like. For example, my mother was in decent health aside from her arthritis in her hips but then along came the unexpected brain cancer when she was 64. Or my dad, who rode his bike all over the shoreline on the weeks and golfed during the week, still ended up with congestive heart failure, a triple bypass, and vascular disease leading to a leg amputation when he was 78. Although he survived it all and died at 86, I really wish he’d gone to a doctor when he was feeling poorly!

Is it the luck of the draw? My mother’s two sisters, Tootsie and Judy, lived until ages 101 and 99! But her two brother, Connie and Lou, died at 71 from a heart attack, and 70 from lung cancer.

On my dad’s side, Helen lived until 95. Now that one makes sense because she walked everywhere! I think she also watched what she ate and stayed fit, but she had health problems in her last few years.

My dad was a great example to us growing up for staying active. On Sundays, he would take us, and other kids in the neighborhood if they wanted to, on bike rides around town or on walks. He played tag in the snow with us and took us sledding at the country club.

My generation knows so much more and we have so much available to us to stay healthy longer than our ancestors. We have to take advantage of it!

Nicknames

The topic for week 21 of 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is – Nicknames.

Where do they start? Is it a shortening of someone’s name? Something someone said, something they did? In my family, it’s a little bit of everything!

In my mother’s family, there were some simple nicknames – Elizabeth was known as Betty and Conrad was called Connie. But Antoinette became Tootsie! In my head I can hear her being called T and maybe that turned into Toot and from there – Tootsie. I don’t think we ever heard the story of her nickname.

In my father’s family, their nicknames may have been more the version of their names. Steve was called Stas in a letter from their uncle. Walt was known as Vots, Helen was Helchie, and my dad John was called Yunk and Yunkie all his life.

When I was growing up we were told the names my sisters and I were given, Janice, Gail, and Nancy, were so people couldn’t make nicknames out of them! Of course, we are called Janny, Gaily, Nan or Nanner, so that theory went right out the window! Maybe my mother didn’t enjoy being called Betty instead of Elizabeth so she tried to prevent something like that.

In high school, my twin Gail and I were called JakTwin 1 and JakTwin 2. Eventually for me, it was shortened to Jak and is a name some friends still call me today. A few have said they didn’t know my first name was really Nancy!

My husband Mark, for much of his adult life was called Rocky. You might think it was because he was big and strong like Rocky Balboa. Unfortunately, no. It was for Rocket J. Squirrel, the pal of Bullwinkle because he was “flighty”. Friends said he would say one thing and do another.

Do you have a nickname? How do you feel about it?

Preserving Family History

The Week 19 topic for 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is: PRESERVE. Today I’ll share my story.

I don’t know where my enthusiasm for researching and writing about family history came from. I do remember on our move from California to Connecticut, we stopped in Oklahoma to visit my husband’s family. His Great-Aunt Mildred Galloway had all the family census sheets and we had copies made to take with us. Maybe that’s what made me think about my family but a few years passed before I started anything.

I love finding the names and places, and I love having my DNA results to see the matches, but more than that, I love discovering the stories.

In the early days of my research, there was very little online, but I am fortunate to live in the same town that my parents’ families moved to in the mid-1920s. It was easy back then to visit the Town Clerk’s office for records. Over the years, I’ve received amazing photos and stories from my cousin Joan and her siblings and I’ve reached out with a little success for stories from my maternal cousins. It was through my cousin Judy’s files (and DNA) that led me to my half-Aunt Joanne.

I think most importantly for me is that my sisters and I grew up with only my grandmother alive and that was only until we were 7 and 9. My maternal grandfather died in 1944. My paternal grandparents died in 1927 and 1935! For our kids, my mother died before any of them were born. Now we have another generation in the family, these stories can get passed down to and through them.

*Gram with her 3 youngest grandchildren and 4 great-grandchildren Christmas 1966*

Family Worship

The topic for week 13 of 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is – Worship.

My maternal and paternal sides of my family have always been catholic. I have no church records of their marriages in the United States but I have baptism records for almost all of my parents’ siblings. My Posluszny family likely attended St. Mary’s Church in Yonkers New York as it was the oldest Catholic Church and about a half mile from their Jefferson Street home.

After their move to Wallingford, my Great Aunt Mary Posluszny Biega and her family attended St. Casimer’s Polish National Church. There was/is also a Polish Catholic Church, Saints Peter & Paul in Wallingford so I’m not sure of their decision to go to one over the other – possibly location. My Aunt Judy talked about my grandmother acting in the plays at St. Casimer’s with my Great Aunt Mary (her sister-in-law) directing, so I’m assuming she attended that church! At some point, my mother’s family switched to Holy Trinity Church. I speculate it had something to do with my cousin Judy, the first grandchild, attending Holy Trinity School in the mid-1940s. There would be 13 Posluszny related cousins attending the school over the course of 40 years.

The Biega family and my great grandmother Carolina Posluszny/Bonk continued at St. Casimer’s and are buried in its cemetery. While Holy Trinity has a beautiful spacious cemetery not far from the center of town, St. Casimer’s is off an industrial road on the south end of town near the highway and train tracks. In fact, you used to cross over the tracks at section WITHOUT ANY GATE OR SIGNAL. Yes, I put that in all caps because our neighbors (father, daughter, and son-in-law) were hit by a train while crossing the tracks in their car in 1992. That amazes me that the crossing was still allowed in the 1990s.

Interesting aside about Holy Trinity Church…I met an older woman years ago while on a work appointment. She was Italian and grew up in the Colony Street area of Wallingford. She said Holy Trinity Church was started by the Irish in Wallingford in 19847 and a brief rundown of the priests in the church’s history reads like a Dublin phone book – McGarisk, O’Reilly, Teevens, Quinn. The Italians were not made to feel very welcome in the church so they created their own women’s society within the church. Perhaps that’s why the town still has two Polish churches!

Once my paternal Jakiela side settled in Southington CT, they attended The Church of the Immaculate Conception where my Uncles Steve and Eddie made their first communion.

After my grandmother Antonia died, my grandfather and his five children moved to Wallingford and they began attending Saints Peter and Paul Roman Catholic Church. My dad, his brother Walter, and his sister Helen all made their first communion there. The boys were altar boys and Helen cleaned the altar for the priest.

*Helen – 2nd row 4th from left abt. 1930*

After their father died tragically in 1935 the priest worked with Steve, the oldest sibling, to be sure the family stayed together by offering to “be their guardian” in the event the state tried to separate them. Thankfully that didn’t happen!

My Uncle Steve’s family must have continued to attend Sts. Peter and Paul after their first two children were born. Charles, their oldest, wanted to attend Holy Trinity School. In order to get free or discounted tuition, they needed to be parishioners of Holy Trinity Church as so they did. That began a Jakiela tradition of all eight Wallingford cousins graduating from Holy Trinity School.

As a family, my parents, sisters and I went to Holy Trinity Church every Sunday for the 9:15am mass. We sat in the same general area and looked the back of the same heads every week. We also attended mass with our classes for holy days. I enjoyed walking down the hill to the church on those days! I was not crazy about going to mass every Sunday and wished that we took a summer break from church like we did with school. Even when we were on vacation, we went to Sunday mass at the local church!

After mass we would head to Boylan’s Market to pick up the Sunday newspapers – New Haven Register, New York Daily News, and a Boston paper – and drop off a paper to our grandmother and Aunt Tootsie.

We all made our first communion and I was annoyed we didn’t get to wear pretty dresses like Janice did! we made our confirmations and had our 8th grade graduations at church as well. Janice and Gail both were married at Holy Trinity.

When my mother died in April of 1987, her funeral mass was one of the last times I attended church before I moved to California that October. I didn’t stop because I was upset with God or anything but I was going because I didn’t want to disappoint my mother. Weird I guess, but we do what we do.

My father continued to attend of course and looking back I really admire his faith. Not the “I have faith in you” kind, but his religious faith. It’s not always easy. He started attending the late Saturday afternoon mass and afterwards, he would drop off the mass bulletin to my Aunt Tootsie, my mother’s oldest sister. He probably did that right up until his heart surgery.

He died in 2010 on Palm Sunday. The nursing home distributed palms that morning and they were in his room when he died. I still have them. As he told the medium in the first reading I had, “I died an angel’s death Phil”, meaning he didn’t feel anything, he didn’t suffer. Fitting for a person who worshipped until the end.

My Family Influencer

The theme for week 5 of 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is “Influencer”.

The definition of Influencer is “a person or thing that influences another”. That person could be none other than my mother, Elizabeth Posluszny Jakiela.

She was born in 1922, the youngest of five children with an age gap of five years between her and her sister.

After high school she went to a business school and learned bookkeeping and worked at one of the several silver factories in the area. She got married while working there and continued to work until pregnant with my older sister. Eighteen months later, she had me and my twin sister.

When I started fourth grade, she went back to work, first for a temp agency and then a permanent job so she juggled family and work.

When my dad purchased the paint store he had worked at for years, she jumped right in to take care of the bookkeeping, heading to the store after her day was done at her paying job.

Even with this, she found time to volunteer at school events, participated in women’s church groups, school groups, and was an assistant troop leader for our Girl Scout troops.

When our church began running a carnival in the early 1970s, she jumped right in to volunteer wherever she was needed. Only a few years went by before she was selected to be the chairman of the event. She never backed down from a challenge and she loved being a part of it and continued to volunteer up until she passed away.

My sisters and I all got married and raised our children, found the time to volunteer in their schools and in our community.

Personally, I went to school to be an administrative assistant and have worked with my husband for 25 years in his remodeling business as his bookkeeper and office manager. I definitely inherited that from her!

My mother will be gone 37 years on April 4th and I know she would be proud of the influence she had on her three girls, and her grandchildren in turn.

The Season of Betty – The End and The Beginning

I started this story over a year ago. I’m not sure it’s made me feel any
better but it’s an unburdening of sorts because we all just put on brave faces
during those 9 weeks. Nine weeks. They go by in the blink of an eye these days but in 1987 it felt like 9 years.

My mother died on Saturday, April 4, 1987, one day before her 65th birthday. It was between 8:30 and 9am. I was sitting on her bed with her and I noticed she’d stop breathing for a couple of beats and then start again. I called for my father to come and let him stay with her while I called my aunts to let them know it was going to be very soon. I’m sure I called my sisters too. I left to pick up my Aunt Tootsie so my parents could be together.

I have debated with myself about the amount of detail for this post. I decided to keep it brief.

We all went with my father to select her casket and plan the funeral. Father Merusi, one of our former priests, who was now in Meriden, requested to perform the mass as he knew my mother well from the Mother’s Circle club and working on and chairing the church Bazaar. The wake was on Monday night and the funeral was on Tuesday morning at Holy Trinity Church in Wallingford. It was very beautiful and for many years I kept the sign-in book and all the cards that we received. I found it comforting to read how people felt about her.

Something very frustrating at the wake was to hear her friends or acquaintances say: “Oh, you know I’d see her at the store and say Hi and she didn’t even acknowledge me”. Or people she worked with in a small office said: “She would fall asleep at her desk during work”. People, if someone is acting strange, find a way to say something to someone!

There was one notable moment for me when the limousine pulled up to the church. Just before we opened the door to exist my father said, “Now I don’t want anyone crying”. It stunned me. I thought “You can’t tell us that!”. I was dry-eyed through the ceremony until I saw my sister’s friend. I don’t know why, but I started sobbing and wasn’t able to stop until we exited the church. Knowing now about my father’s childhood, I’m fairly certain it was what he heard as a soon-to-be 11-year-old boy from his older brother when they buried their father in 1935 after a hit-and-run accident as he walked along Route 5. It must have been so traumatic for him.

After the funeral, we had a gathering at VFW in Wallingford. From there, I recall my father and I going home and some relatives came to the house. He entertained them but I immediately changed into my workout clothes and dashed out of the house to go to the fitness center where I was a member and had gone every night during these 9 weeks. I was ready to and had to, get back to “normal” life.

I read Jhumpa Lahiri’s Unaccustomed Earth last month and there was a short story about a mother’s death from cancer after being ill for a number of years. The young man talked of his grandparents arriving from India and breaking down when they realize their daughter is no longer alive. “….grieving freshly for my mother as neither my father nor I had done. Being with her through her illness day after day had denied us that privilege.”

This passage was like a punch in the nose. I felt guilty for being relieved that I could just be again, because that meant, in my mind, I was relieved my mother had died. I didn’t see it as she was free from suffering, I saw it as I no longer had to take care of her. She’d already left me and I’d already done my mourning when she was diagnosed. When the time came to really mourn her with all her friends and relatives, it was too late. It had passed. I had moved on.

The bright spot going forward was the vacation I had to postpone when she stopped eating was coming up in three weeks! I was all set. I was going with my friend Cindy and my plan was to bring a bunch of books and spend the week lying on the beach reading! HA – little did I know my mother had other plans for me…..!