Posluszny Family – Page 6 – It's All About Family

The Family Profession

The topic for Week 6 of 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is – Earning a Living so I am turning this week to the Posluszny side of the family to tell you about my grandfather and his brothers.

My grandfather, Konrad Posluszny, and his four brothers were hatters. The occupations on their ship manifests say “laborer” so it’s likely they picked up the trade when they immigrated to the United States.

*The Posluszny Family abt. 1909. Men from left – John, Joseph, Frank, Charles, stepfather Jon, and Konrad*

In the early 1900s, hat making was booming and during that time period, Konrad and his brother Charles lived in Yonkers New York. They held jobs as finishers at the Waring Hat Manufacturing Company. The factory was on the corner of Riverdale Avenue and Vark Street which was only a block and a half from their home on Jefferson Street.

*Waring Hat Manufacturing Company, Yonkers NY*

His other three brothers John, Joseph, and Frank all lived in Newark New Jersey. I don’t know which company they worked in but there were 34 hat companies in Essex County making it the hat capital of the world! They would have had their pick of any and they also worked as finishers.

The 1920 census showed all five brothers still in the hat making industry. Konrad and his family were still in Yonkers, John and Frank in New Jersey, Joseph and Charles with their families in Norwalk Connecticut.

The 1920s brought about a slowdown in the hat making industry and many companies merged. John left hat making and because a proprietor of a restaurant/saloon in Newark.

Unfortunately Frank turns up in the 1930 and 1940 federal census as an inmate in the Essex County Hospital for the Insane. We know the old saying “mad as a hatter” but in this case it was hereditary rather than occupational.

Charles worked for the American Hat Company and Joseph for the Hat Corporation of America, both in Norwalk. They worked has hatters until they retired.

But, the more interesting story is that of my grandfather. I’ve told the story of the family’s move to Easthampton Massachusetts where they lived very briefly before they moved to New Britain and lived in a two family house with my grandmother’s relatives where my mother was born in 1922.

In New Britain, my grandfather opened up a hat store called the Conrad Hat Company and in 1923 it was at 43-45 Broad Street before moving to 317 Main Street.

In 1924, he applied for a patent for a cleaning solution for straw hats and was awarded with the patent on 1925. I don’t know if he ever made any money from it but he still holds the patent to it.

Unfortunately, in the summer of 1924, in the span of two weeks there were fires in his store.

I found these news clippings while researching this story and I wonder if it plays into what my Aunt Judy said in her recorded conversations about not being a business-type guy but he would have been successful if he was. She said he was too soft hearted and the politicians in New Britain would come in, have a hat made and say they’d pay him later but they never would. He couldn’t pay his insurance, had those two (suspicious!) fires a few weeks apart and had to go out of business.

The family moved to Wallingford and he went to work at the Steel Mill until his death in 1944.

My Family Influencer

The theme for week 5 of 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is “Influencer”.

The definition of Influencer is “a person or thing that influences another”. That person could be none other than my mother, Elizabeth Posluszny Jakiela.

She was born in 1922, the youngest of five children with an age gap of five years between her and her sister.

After high school she went to a business school and learned bookkeeping and worked at one of the several silver factories in the area. She got married while working there and continued to work until pregnant with my older sister. Eighteen months later, she had me and my twin sister.

When I started fourth grade, she went back to work, first for a temp agency and then a permanent job so she juggled family and work.

When my dad purchased the paint store he had worked at for years, she jumped right in to take care of the bookkeeping, heading to the store after her day was done at her paying job.

Even with this, she found time to volunteer at school events, participated in women’s church groups, school groups, and was an assistant troop leader for our Girl Scout troops.

When our church began running a carnival in the early 1970s, she jumped right in to volunteer wherever she was needed. Only a few years went by before she was selected to be the chairman of the event. She never backed down from a challenge and she loved being a part of it and continued to volunteer up until she passed away.

My sisters and I all got married and raised our children, found the time to volunteer in their schools and in our community.

Personally, I went to school to be an administrative assistant and have worked with my husband for 25 years in his remodeling business as his bookkeeper and office manager. I definitely inherited that from her!

My mother will be gone 37 years on April 4th and I know she would be proud of the influence she had on her three girls, and her grandchildren in turn.

Origins: Where It All Began

Week 2 of the 52 Ancestors challenge is about Origins.

I didn’t know a lot of my family’s origins growing up. I knew my maternal side was German and my paternal side was Polish. My mom’s mom spoke German, and my dad took us to the local PNA for polish lessons for a few years. It wasn’t until I started my ancestry work that I realized how convoluted it all was!

My paternal side was definitely Polish, but it was in the Galicia region which was like the shifting sands of time. Were they Polish? Maybe Austrian? If they were Austrian isn’t that sort of German? Evidently, who ever conquered them at the time, that’s what they were.

My maternal side was “German”, but they were also in the Galicia region. And why did my Aunt Tootsie say “dumb Polaks” if they lived in the same area?

I had my DNA tested and here are the results:

I was fascinated to see that my material side had NO Eastern European, so yes, my material side was mostly Germanic Europe. Both sides had a bit of Sweden and Denmark which makes me think of the Danes and Vikings!

Possibly the stories I’ve read of German being paid to go to the Galicia region “to teach” the Polish how to farm has some weight behind it. After all, my maternal side were farmers.

Something interesting on my maternal side was the England and Northwestern Europe. Mostly the England because as you might remember, and if you don’t, I talked about the discovery of my biological grandfather here .

With new family, there is always new information to share and what this cousin shared was quite a shock – my 35th great grandfather is King Alfred the Great! He was the most famous of the Anglo-Saxon kings. He prevented England from falling to the Danes and he promoted literacy and learning. Fierce and educated – it certainly carried down the line!

It’s fun to take a dive into the DNA results looking the results and thinking about my origins.

It’s All About Family All Year Long

I’m starting, and hopefully I will complete, a “challenge” called 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks #52Ancestors.

I’ve been spending more time on my other site Thoughts From the Passenger Seat writing about thoughts that pop into my head, or answering the daily prompts. It’s easier! I don’t have to dig through the paperwork or get frustrated searching on Ancestry.

But I miss it….and I bet you do too!

Starting this week I’ll be writing one story a week based on the prompt provided. It won’t always be dates and facts and it could be about any one in my family – maybe even you!

Conversations with Aunt Judy – Part 3

I hope you’ve enjoyed the stories of my Aunt Judy I’ve shared so far. The explanation of how they came to be is here and the second part about her family growing up is here. Catch up and then join in!

So this part of the conversation between Aunt Judy, her niece “Little Judy” and her nephew, Jack involves Aunt Judy growing up and her marriage and life with Uncle Mal – Malcolm Bellafronto.

What was the hardest thing you ever did? My Hair. No one has any idea of the life I had.

I lost my hair when I was a year old! 1917 during the war, everyone was getting typhoid, so when I lost my hair they figured I’d get it back, but I never did. My mother was taking me down to Yale-New Haven clinic for observation, by then I was 8 or 9 years old. I had eyebrows and eyelashes and I had to sit there with all the doctors standing around trying to figure out what was wrong. They couldn’t find any reason except alopecia, yet they said, it was not really, because I had eyebrows and eyelashes! When I hit puberty, I got pubic hair and hair under my arms but as I got older, everything left. They said I would get it when I hit puberty, which wasn’t true, but I’m glad they did because I always had the hope that when I was a teenager, I’d get that hair so at least I wasn’t in despair.

My mother made a white hat for me but they’d pull it off my head and call me Baldy and everything – and they were my peers. Then when I got older, cripes, I wore that kooky wig. I got hit in the forehead playing basketball and it got knocked off and there were all the boys in the stands. One time the wind caught it while I was walking up Center Street and I had to go chasing it!

When I see them getting these wigs for these kids, I tell you, I am so glad. I told my kids once they could understand, I swear if I ever hear you make fun of anyone with an infirmity, you will get beat until you are black and blue. I told them why. You have no idea how tough it is on a kid, especially a girl. When I see these things about stuff like that being funny, I think, You have no idea. That is not funny at all. But like I said, I had so many other blessings.

What are some of the fun times? The best thing that ever happened to me was Mal. I think if I had not found someone who loved me so deeply…once we were horsing around and it (the wig) fell off, and of course, I went into tears. he said “What’s the matter with you? Don’t you think I know?” Well, knowing and seeing are 2 different things. But to have him love me and think I was so wonderful was really the best thing to happen to me. Had I not married him, I probably would have wound up a crabby old maid! I never can complain about my life.

50th Wedding Anniversary 1939 / 1989 tap for full picture!

Aunt Judy and Uncle Mal were very close with her brother Lou and his wife Irene. They traveled together, had summer cottages next door to each other, and all retired to the same location in Florida.

How did Lou and Mal meet? They both played football. Lou was quarterback, and Mal was center. Connie (her oldest brother) also played.

How did you and Uncle Mal meet? When I was drunk! It wasn’t love at first sight. The next time I saw him he said “I owe you something”. When I asked what, he said, “You said you’d give me a kiss if I scored a touchdown, and I didn’t so I have to give it back”. We grew on each other and I never thought I’d marry an Italian! When I went to New York to go shopping with my cousins over Easter he came to the house 2 or 3 times a day to see if I was home yet! We started going steady after that.

How did he propose? I don’t remember anything big. Once you started going steady that was usually it and the first gift you received was a cedar chest. He was carrying around a ring for awhile and I finally asked him when the heck he was going to give it to me because I wanted to wear it before the wedding!

What do you think your family thought of Uncle Mal? He was concerned about what my family thought of him. I asked him why and he said, “well, you know, Polish and Italians don’t get along”. I told him well, we’re also German! Finally I called out, “Hey Ma – I got a problem”, Mom said “What’s your problem?”. I said, “Mal wants to know what you think of him”. She said, “what do you mean what do I think of him?” “Well, he’s Italian!” Mom said, “So?”. Mom loved Mal.

Helen Evon, Judy, Betty (her sister) August 9, 1939

My mom was like that. Very liberated for her time. If someone said you couldn’t go to another church, she’d say, “that’s a lot of nonsense. God is in every church, not just in our church!”

What did the Bellafronto family think of you? They tolerated me and they had to because…No, I think my mother in law liked me but she was very domineering. She was born in the United States and went to Italy on a visit and met Mal’s dad, and they got married. Mal loved his dad dearly and was the only one in the family who did. For years and years we would go to their house for a meal and he’d come downstairs, eat and go back up! We were shocked that he came to our wedding. When his mother was dying, she took my hand and said you’re the best thing that every happened to my son. The family was different. You had to know them. They didn’t know how to mix. They were good to me though.

Mal, Judy, and Stephano (Augustine) Bellafronto May 1939

Uncle Mal was in World War II? Yes, he enlisted in the Navy in July of 1943 and went right away. We lived with my Mom, Dad, and Betty while he was gone. He was on a sub-chaser and spent 2-1/2 years in the Caribbean. The ship came back to California and was in dry dock so young Mal and I went out there to stay with him. We planned on staying with Tante Lizzie and Uncle Ben when he went back out. But shortly after the ship pulled out of the port, the Navy said Mal had enough points to go home! So we all came back to Connecticut.

Milly Bellafronto, Judy with Young Mal 1944

Mal, Judy, and young Mal returned to Wallingford to live after he got out of the Navy. They built a house on Lincoln Avenue in Wallingford around the corner from where my family would eventually live. In June of 1946 their son Robert Louis was born. They lived there until the mid-1970s when they retired to Florida with my Uncle Lou and Auntie Irene. My parents remained close to them after they moved and took a few trips down to Florida to visit with them.

What are you most proud of? My marriage. It was the best thing that every happened to me.

Aunt Judy was sassy. In hindsight, she was very similar to how my grandmother has been described! She told you how it was and didn’t hesitate to swear, and then laugh! She had a very infectious laugh and it was fun to listen to her stories.

I hope you’ve enjoyed these Conversations with Aunt Judy!

Conversations with Aunt Judy – Part 2

Through the questions asked by Little Judy and her brother Jack, I’m going to share Aunt Judy’s answers and give a little background to her responses. If you missed the beginning, you can find it here. Let’s start with the early years.

There was a lot of conversation about Gram. She was quite a woman who had quite a secret! This is what she had to share about her mother.

What do you know about your mother’s early life?: She was quite a lady. She was not the person that people knew in the end. She was one of the lucky ones. She came here with no one. I don’t even know how she got here without a sponsor. She was lucky to be taken in by a rich woman – I don’t know her nationality or her name, but she immediately enrolled her in night school. That’s why she could speak English and learned at the niceties (Gram was this woman’s maid). That’s why she had so much poise. She was very fortunate.

How did she meet Grandpa? They both lived in Yonkers which was considered Germantown because that’s where all the Germans immigrated to. They were 3rd cousins and has to get dispensation. *This would mean they shared great great grandparents and in the early 1900s even 2nd cousins didn’t need dispensation so that might have been a family tale. Commonality appears to be with the Straub last name.

How many languages did she speak? She could speak German, Russian, and Polish, and she could understand “Jewish”. I bet out of all of us my mother had the highest IQ. She then followed that up with – I don’t know if my mother was any smarter than my dad but she had more balls than my father, yes she did!

Where did you learn to cook and sew? My mother! She could look at a piece of crochet and she could do it. She and Toots (the oldest daughter) would walk and window shop and if they saw a dress that Toots liked, she could just look at it then they’d go to Horowitz’s and buy the material and make a paper pattern and then the dress would be done the next day. I’m a good sewer but I could never do that! Gram didn’t need a pattern. There was nothing she couldn’t do and that’s why when we’d get shy about something she’d get so impatient with us! She’d say, “American boy got an education, and you can’t open your mouth?” She would open hers!

What else did Gram enjoy? She was an actress! She was in plays at the Polish (national) church a couple of times a year. I can still picture watching them! My mother and Aunt Mary (Gram’s sister-in-law). Aunt Mary was the boss – producer. Everyone would go to the church on Sunday night to watch. I don’t know what the hell they were saying but whatever she said, I guess it was the right thing because they’d all clap!”

What was Gram and Grandpa’s relationship like? She had a tough row to hoe. My father had a drinking problem. Fortunately, when he’d get drunk, he’d go up to bed and go to sleep. But he never lost a day’s work in his life. My mother got the paycheck. But just the same, to us, we knew Christmas would come, he was going to have too much to drink and then go to bed. It bothered us! Now we realize it wasn’t all that bad.

Tell us about your dad My dad and his brothers were hatters. When we moved to New Britain, he owned a hat company (The Conrad Hat Company). Dad was not a business-type guy but he would have been very successful if he was. He was a soft-hearted guy and the politicians in New Britain would come in and take advantage of him, having a hat made and saying they’d pay him later and they never did. He couldn’t pay his insurance, had a fire, and went out of business. They moved to Wallingford so he could find a job. He did get a job in the steel mill and his mother and stepfather gave them $500 to put a deposit on the house at 121 Clifton Street.

Who graduated from High School and when did everyone start working? Tootsie (15), Connie (14), and Lou (11) didn’t attend any school once they moved to Wallingford. Tootsie did housework until she could get into the factory. Connie grew up to be a fabulous baker but I don’t know if he started working for one right away. Lou went to the farm (Wallingford was filled with farms in the 1920s) and pretty much lived there. Judy graduated high school, and Betty graduated high school and went to business school. She was asked why did everyone start working. “Because there was no money!” Think about it – 5 kids, dad with no job, moving to a new town – everyone had to pitch in.

My mom, Betty front left, cousin Pauline right. Back cousin Katherine and Judy in cap

I’m going to end here and next, we’ll hear from Aunt Judy about her life growing up, meeting Uncle Mal, and their life together!

Conversations with Aunt Judy – The Prologue

Around 2009, my cousin Jack took the home movies that our Uncle Mal Bellafronto recorded and, I don’t know the magic involved, combined them onto DVDs with my Aunt Judy Bellafronto and my cousin, Judy Behme discussing what was recorded. These three DVDs range from the mid-1930s with Uncle Mal playing football for a local team through the late 1970s with my sisters and I cheerleading at a high school Thanksgiving Day game.

He gave the cousins each copies and they are something I treasure and find myself watching every couple of years. Each time I do, I find something else precious to view.

As I was once again organizing my “Family History” space which is one end of the room over our garage, I found an additional DVD that I’m sure I watched when we first received it. I popped it into the DVD slot on my 2008 Mac Desktop and started watching. Then quickly grabbed a notebook and a pen and started transcribing.

It is approximately 45 minutes of “The Judys”. Jack and Judy Behme (his sister and forever known as “Little Judy”) asked questions of their aunt’s life growing up, meeting Uncle Mal, and their marriage. I recognized some of the answers which I know I’ve shared here and there in the past but I didn’t appreciate the stories and details until now.

I’ll share the background and facts in this post and then over the next posts break it out in sections. So let’s start….

Julia Gertrude Posluszny was born on May 15, 1917 in Yonkers NY to Julianna (Ingram) and Konrad Posluszny. She was their fourth child and the second girl in the family. Her siblings were Antoinette (Tootsie 1909), Conrad (Connie 1910), Louis (Louie 1913).

The family moved from Yonkers around 1920 to East Hampton, MA, then to New Britain in 1921, and to Wallingford CT in 1925 where Konrad’s mother, stepfather, and half brother lived. They moved into a new home at 121 Clifton Street where family lived until 1988.

She went to school in Wallingford, graduated in 1935 and met and married Malcolm Bellafronto in 1939. They had 2 sons and resided in Wallingford in a house on Lincoln Avenue. In the late 70s/early 80s, Uncle Mal retired from teaching at a tech school and they moved to Florida where they lived happily for many years.

Uncle Mal passed away in January of 2002 at the age of 88. As Aunt Judy became elderly, she moved to New York, but first spent some time in Morocco living with her granddaughter and her family! Once in New York, she resided in a nursing home and passed away on December 24, 2016 just 6 months shy of her 100th birthday.

To my sisters and I growing up, she was our stylish aunt. We enjoyed going to her house and she made us outfits for Easter for a number of years. She and Uncle Mal had a cottage at Pickeral Lake we would visit frequently on Sundays during the summer and use the cottage for a week some summers.

She had a wonderful laugh and we loved to listen to her stories (and gossip!). The last time we saw her was in 2013 at our former cottage in Lebanon Ct for a family reunion when her granddaughter Cathy, husband Fred and their 4 children came to the U.S. Aunt Judy’s son Bob and I put together the event and Aunt Judy was there along with her son Mal and his two sons Mal (III) and Eric. She was 96 at the time (Impossible!) and as quick witted as ever.

I look forward to putting the questions and answers into story and hope you enjoy this journey with me!

July 4th Memories

From early childhood in the 1960s until my early 20s, our 4th of July was spent at our relatives’ cottages at Pickerel Lake in Colchester, Connecticut. They were owned by my mother’s sister and her husband and my mother’s brother and his wife. They were all good friends and found this property and decided to put two homes on it with a common staircase from the road and a shared beach area.

It was about 45 minutes from our home in Wallingford and even though we went frequently throughout the summer, the 4th of July was a special party. It was a family reunion!

Besides the regular cast of characters there were people we saw on this day only. From Wallingford, my grandfather’s sister Aunt Mary Biega and his half-brother Walter Bonk and his wife Bea were there every year. I thought for the longest time that she was his mother! Walt and Bea had 3 daughters and they would be there with their families.

From the Fairfield area were the “Fairfield Posts”. Although they were all born Posluszny, a few of the brothers changed their last name to Post. The Polish “L” has the ~ through it so they just lopped off the rest of the letters! Joseph and Anna would be there along with their adult children and families.

There would always hard rolls from New York Bakery in Wallingford that we would stuff with my mother’s sausage and peppers with a piece of cheese on top. Clam chowder, hot dogs and hamburgers and delicious desserts. Every one brought something to share.

The adults would play cards at the picnic table, and there would be horseshoes or bocci going on in the middle of everything because there wasn’t much flat space!

Kids would be swimming out to the raft to hang out or to play “Toss People Off the Raft”. There were rowboats, and a canoe to take out and Uncle Mal was always willing to take people out in his sunfish. He’d have his moccasins on his feet and pipe in his mouth as we sailed around the lake. There were tubes to float around in – remember when they used to be actual car tire tubes? – and the fish loved to bite your butt as you floated around! Each cottage had a motorboat and if we were lucky, we’d get to go out in it and every luckier, got to waterski.

Kids in the life raft we brought, someone in a big tube, and people on the raft. Uncle Mal’s motorboat and the canoe in the foreground. Way in the back you can see the big rock that of course we called Plymouth Rock.

I don’t recall having fireworks there as it definitely wasn’t like it is now with fireworks from June 1st through the end of summer! The sun would set and we would pack our belongings and head on home. Sometimes we would catch town fireworks going off as we drove home.

The relatives moved to Florida in the 80s and held on to the cottages to stay at in the summer for a few years but eventually sold them. By then we were off to our own 4th of July parties.

My husband and I had a summer cottage at a nearby lake for 12 years and one time we took our kayaks over to Pickerel Lake to paddle the lake and see the houses again. It was a nice trip down memory lane. The lake felt so much smaller than I remember and the opposite side of the lake that was always home free, had homes at one end! It was nice to see them one last time.

White House – Aunt Judy and Uncle Mal’s. Blue House – Auntie Irene and Uncle Lou

Every 4th of July I think back to those family reunions and the fun we had swimming and spending time together. I’m grateful that although we may not be together on the 4th, we continue to celebrate holidays together with these same people as we’ve grown older and had families of our own.

A June 24, 1912 Wedding

Antonia Liro and Charles Steven Jakiela June 24/1912

My grandparents, Antonia Liro and Charles Jakiela met in Palmer Massachusetts most likely while working at one of the textile mills in the area.

Antonia arrived in the United States in 1910 and heading directly to Massachusetts to the home of her sister, Angela and brother in law Joseph Mikula.

Charles arrived in 1906 but his original destination was to Southington Connecticut (South Kingston on his ship manifest) to his uncle, Jan Jakiela. The only record for a Jan Jakiela I could find in Southington was for one who had been arrested for theft. Whatever the case, he ended up in Palmer Massachusetts, perhaps for work.

They were not there for long after that, as their first son Steven was born on May 11, 1913 in Southington Connecticut. Southington was home to hardware and silver factories and had a large Polish population.

Antonia with my dad John (?) on her lap approximately 1925-26 Polish Falcons Club

They lived in a variety of different rentals in the South Center Street area. He likely worked at the Southington Hardware Company on South Center Street. This is where they were living when Antonia died from complications of pregnancy with her sixth child a few months before their fifteenth wedding anniversary.

Saturday, April 2, 1927 edition of The Journal, Meriden CT

There are so many unanswered stories and questions. How did they meet and fall in love? What did they say when they talked about their future? Why did they move to Southington? What would she have said about her five children as they grew up and raised children of their own? How did Charles handle June 24, 1927 such a short time after she passed away and now he, a widower, with 5 children to raise ages 14, 12, 7, 5, and 3 and every anniversary after that until he died in 1935.

The Season of Betty – The End and The Beginning

I started this story over a year ago. I’m not sure it’s made me feel any
better but it’s an unburdening of sorts because we all just put on brave faces
during those 9 weeks. Nine weeks. They go by in the blink of an eye these days but in 1987 it felt like 9 years.

My mother died on Saturday, April 4, 1987, one day before her 65th birthday. It was between 8:30 and 9am. I was sitting on her bed with her and I noticed she’d stop breathing for a couple of beats and then start again. I called for my father to come and let him stay with her while I called my aunts to let them know it was going to be very soon. I’m sure I called my sisters too. I left to pick up my Aunt Tootsie so my parents could be together.

I have debated with myself about the amount of detail for this post. I decided to keep it brief.

We all went with my father to select her casket and plan the funeral. Father Merusi, one of our former priests, who was now in Meriden, requested to perform the mass as he knew my mother well from the Mother’s Circle club and working on and chairing the church Bazaar. The wake was on Monday night and the funeral was on Tuesday morning at Holy Trinity Church in Wallingford. It was very beautiful and for many years I kept the sign-in book and all the cards that we received. I found it comforting to read how people felt about her.

Something very frustrating at the wake was to hear her friends or acquaintances say: “Oh, you know I’d see her at the store and say Hi and she didn’t even acknowledge me”. Or people she worked with in a small office said: “She would fall asleep at her desk during work”. People, if someone is acting strange, find a way to say something to someone!

There was one notable moment for me when the limousine pulled up to the church. Just before we opened the door to exist my father said, “Now I don’t want anyone crying”. It stunned me. I thought “You can’t tell us that!”. I was dry-eyed through the ceremony until I saw my sister’s friend. I don’t know why, but I started sobbing and wasn’t able to stop until we exited the church. Knowing now about my father’s childhood, I’m fairly certain it was what he heard as a soon-to-be 11-year-old boy from his older brother when they buried their father in 1935 after a hit-and-run accident as he walked along Route 5. It must have been so traumatic for him.

After the funeral, we had a gathering at VFW in Wallingford. From there, I recall my father and I going home and some relatives came to the house. He entertained them but I immediately changed into my workout clothes and dashed out of the house to go to the fitness center where I was a member and had gone every night during these 9 weeks. I was ready to and had to, get back to “normal” life.

I read Jhumpa Lahiri’s Unaccustomed Earth last month and there was a short story about a mother’s death from cancer after being ill for a number of years. The young man talked of his grandparents arriving from India and breaking down when they realize their daughter is no longer alive. “….grieving freshly for my mother as neither my father nor I had done. Being with her through her illness day after day had denied us that privilege.”

This passage was like a punch in the nose. I felt guilty for being relieved that I could just be again, because that meant, in my mind, I was relieved my mother had died. I didn’t see it as she was free from suffering, I saw it as I no longer had to take care of her. She’d already left me and I’d already done my mourning when she was diagnosed. When the time came to really mourn her with all her friends and relatives, it was too late. It had passed. I had moved on.

The bright spot going forward was the vacation I had to postpone when she stopped eating was coming up in three weeks! I was all set. I was going with my friend Cindy and my plan was to bring a bunch of books and spend the week lying on the beach reading! HA – little did I know my mother had other plans for me…..!