Posluszny Family – Page 7 – It's All About Family

The Season of Betty – Part 3

Where were we? Oh yes, we left off on my mother’s first night home from the hospital. We moved a bed down to the dining room and set it up for her until my dad got a hospital bed for her.

The next morning, my Aunt Tootsie and Auntie Edna showed up to begin their weekday routine. They would sit working on their crafts, cleaning, making food for my mother, and making us dinner. They knew each other superficially; Aunt Tootsie was my mother’s sister and Auntie Edna was my father’s sister-in-law. My mother and Auntie Edna loved to drive around town hitting tag (garage) sales on the weekend.

Aunt Bea (by marriage), mom, Aunt Tootsie, Grammy seated

My dad and I went off to our jobs knowing my mother was in good hands. I loved my job at Channel 8 so much, it helped me put everything else out of my mind. My boss and friends were so kind about what I was going through.

My dad and I developed a routine of dinner together, then I’d head out to Spa Lady in North Haven for my workout, and when I came home, my dad would head down to the VFW. He came home before 10, and we’d get my mom ready for bed. Gail would come over to help and visit in the evenings too. She and my dad both worked at Gaylord Hospital so they would talk about people they knew.

It became apparent early on that my mother wasn’t going to be mobile for very long. I had to help her to the bathroom when I was home but not realizing how weak she was, I lost grip and bang her head into the wall a couple of times! She would laught and say “it’s ok!” while I was apologizing profusely! It wasn’t long before she was bedridden and using a commode. You don’t realize how capable you are until you have to take care of someone in this way. The first time, I might have gagged and freaked out a little. The second and beyond, no big deal.

I realized it was a small blessing that my boyfriend and I broke up in October. He lived in Hamden and I spent all my time there. If I had still been all wrapped up with him, I’m not sure what my attitude or reaction to all of this change would have been. He was still the first person I called from the hospital though when we got my mother’s diagnosis. I knew he still cared about me and I needed someone to talk to. I knew if I called him for anything during these next months, he’d be there to help me out.

Throughout the 2 months that she was sick, a visiting nurse came to the house 3 times a week. It was comforting to have her come over. A very strange thing happened one time she was there. She was checking my mother out and my mother reached out and rubbed her stomach. Come to find out she was pregnant but not showing yet! How did my mother know?

On weekends, we’d sit with her watching tv and I guess I cooked for the three of us! I definitely don’t remember. I’d go out with my friends either Friday or Saturday especially when Janice came down from Massachusetts because she’d stay overnight. I’d be out very late – I’ll leave it at that!

So diagnosis date was January 31, 1987 and we were advised by the nurse that we’d know the final stage when my mother stopped eating. Well, that happened on a Sunday in March and it must have been March 15th because I was heading to the St. Patrick’s Day parade in New Haven. Oh, I tried to make her eat! It was like trying to feed an infant who didn’t want to eat but without the crying (ok, I was), and head shaking. I just could not get her to eat. How long can someone go without eating? Long enough if they are still drinking fluids, which she was.

t was quite the afternoon and evening at the parade. These were the days when you could walk out of the bar with a drink and watch the parade!

But I had a decision to make. I was scheduled to go on a vacation with five other girls to Jamaica in a couple of weeks! It was a trip planned before she got sick. There was no doubt in my mind that I would cancel the trip. It would have been foolish to go and expect every minute to get a phone call telling me she had died. I was selfish at times but not that much! Another friend was trying to join our trip so we decided to wait until after my mother passed away and go together. It was a fateful decision.

I’m going to leave off here and pick up in another post – soon, I promise.

The Season of Betty – About Betty Part 2

My previous post was about my mother, Betty, about her life growing up and how she lived. This one is about her and what I remember. Most of the time period I’m talking about here is from the early 60s through 1987 when she died.

My mother was casual. She didn’t have jobs where she had to wear business clothes. She didn’t wear jeans (I don’t think she ever had a pair?!), but she wore comfortable clothes. She wore dresses to church every week along with a hat until we didn’t have to wear them anymore. In our 20s, my dad would give us money to go Christmas shopping for clothes for her. I think we did a pretty good job! We would find pants and nice tops and sweaters. She always seemed happy to get them and wore them so I guess she did! I liked doing that.

My mother didn’t wear makeup. She probably had some 20-year-old stuff hanging around and I remember one time Janice put it on her when she was going out. That must be why I have no idea (or think I have no idea) how to put it on!

My mother was LOUD! When we were young and playing in the neighborhood, she would WHISTLE for us. Like dogs! And you could hear it from just about any area of the circle (picture houses in the middle and the street is a circle around them). So embarrassing.! And when she went to football or basketball games when we were in high school her yell was so loud! My sisters and I of course, now are probably just as loud as she was!

My mother was friendly. When she went to track meets, I remember kids sitting with her and talking and she was always friendly to them. In my teenage brain I’d be saying “ugh”, but looking back, she set that example for us. I think all three of us are very comfortable and interested in what young people have to say.

My mom was involved in our school working at book sales, as part of the Mothers Circle at church, as part of the Mother of Twins Club, and with our Brownie and Girl Scout troops. But she didn’t get involved with any sports politics or try to ingratiate herself with any coaches (ok, only cheerleading coach), and when I felt the need to defend myself or my sister she was fine with it.

My dad would take us on walks or bike rides on Sundays around town to give her some time alone. I’m sure she never had to suggest it, he was more than willing, but I’m sure she really appreciated it! I imagine we three were pretty exhausting.

SHE WAS A READER! I feel like that deserves all caps. She had more books and magazines than even I have ever had! There were 2 bookcases at her childhood home on Clifton Street full of books that I’m sure were all hers. She was a member of the Readers Digest Condensed Books program with 4 books a year and each contained 4-5 books. Nancy Drew, Cherry Ames, and other teenage girl book series were on those shelves! I think some might have been above our reading maturity level, but we read them anyway and she didn’t stop us! She subscribed to 3 or 4 magazines a month that were collected on the end tables through the year(s). She would buy years worth of National Geographic magazines at tag sales. She just loved the written word. I can clearly see her sitting at the table for breakfast with a book in her lap, drinking her coffee, and eating toast. There was never a book or magazine not by her side.

She and her siblings stayed close both in their physical locations and by gathering together. They all continued to live in Wallingford and raise their families and we always got together for Christmas, Easter, and kids’ birthday parties. I’m glad they did that. It could have gone a lot differently because of the age difference in all the kids, but with her niece (Judy) having her first child (Ann) only one year after us twins, it gave them all a new connection. She was particularly close to Aunt Tootsie who was like her second mother and Uncle Connie who was unmarried until the early 1960s when she married Auntie Ann who had 2 adult children and they lived right next to Kendrick Park so we so them very often stopping in for his delicious baked treats!

She was a good woman and a good mother and she lead by example rather than telling us what to do and how we should be as we grew up. I think that sticks more than words!

Together One Last Time?

Front: Connie with Jack Posluszny
Back: Elizabeth, Judy with Mal Bellafronto, Lou, Konrad, Antoinette, and Julia with Judy Posluszny — Poslusznys @1943

Judging from the ages of Mal, Jack, and Judy, this picture was taken sometime in 1943. Uncle Connie enlisted in November of 1942 and was working as a cook in an Army base in Texas. Elizabeth and Tootsie took a trip to visit him in August of 1943.

Knowing that Konrad died and how he died right after Christmas in 1944 makes these pictures a little more poignant.

This is another picture from the same day based on the clothing. I can’t help but notice the shapeless dress and hand-sewn hem! Gram had very long hair but it was always worn slicked back in a bun.

Story Update

In January 2020, I told the story of my grandmother Julia Ingram Posluszny taking in her cousin Mary Kukulska Juszczak‘s baby when Mary died in childbirth in 1910. Three or four years later, when Julia had 3 children of her own under the age of 4, she gave the child up for adoption to a family who heard of her situation.

Fast forward to last week – I was updating some hints in my ancestry tree and my half-second cousin Kerry’s tree showed Mary still alive after 1910 with another husband! I thought that was impossible and messaged her. Well, as the saying goes, she had the receipts!

We deduced that it was Mary’s husband, John, who passed away in 1910 or early 1911. It was coincidental that her daughter was also born in 1910.

Kerry directed me to the marriage license for Mary and her second husband Michael Zupka from June 18, 1911. They lived on Jefferson Street in Yonkers where the majority of my grandmother’s family lived also.

But just in case you’re saying “wait, what about the child?”, Mary gave birth to a son Michael in April of 1912. We have no record of her death and baby Michael died in November of 1912. All the record we currently have is a picture of the family headstone listing Michael and Mary 1912 / 8 months.

So plot twist! John died in 1910/1911, and Mary remarried Michael in 1911, bringing her daughter Elizabeth Mary with her. She gets pregnant and gives birth to Michael in 1912. She dies giving birth in April? She dies in November with Michael? Whatever the situation, Michael the father, gives Elizabeth Mary to Julia Ingram to raise because he’s got no ties to her. Julia takes her and now has a 2-year-old and 1-year-old of her own and an additional 2-year-old. She then gives birth to her third child in February 1913. She hung on as long as she could but the wheels were in motion based on her statement to the court in August of 1914. Elizabeth Mary was adopted by the Fauths in October 1914.

When I spoke to Sandi, Elizabeth Mary’s daughter about this twist, she said he mother only said that her mother died in childbirth. Maybe she didn’t remember her mother and so thought it was a result of her own birth.

The Season of Betty – About Betty Part 1

Betty was born Elizabeth Ann Posluszny on April 5, 1922, in New Britain Connecticut where her family – mother, father, 2 brothers, and 2 sisters – lived in the 2-story house of her mother’s Ingram relative. She was five years younger than her next sibling and 13 years removed from her oldest sister Antoinette (Tootsie).

Her family had left Yonkers New York around 1921, lived briefly in East Hampton MA, and then moved on to New Britain where my grandfather worked as a hatter and also owned a hat shop – Conrad Hat Company at 317 Main Street. The family story is, that it burned down and he had no insurance. In 1925, they are all living at 121 Clifton Street in Wallingford which was “brand new” and where someone in the family lived until 1989. Conrad went to work at the steel mill after working in the hat industry his whole adult life.

Betty was a little bit spoiled but most information about her over the years came from her sister Judy who was the baby of the family until Betty came along! When the family moved to Wallingford her oldest sister didn’t move on to high school. She worked for people at Choate cleaning (not verifiable). If Betty wanted something and her mother couldn’t afford it, she would tell Tootsie to buy it for Betty. Both Gram and Tootsie were incredible seamstresses and could look at something in a store window, go home, and re-create it.

In high school, Betty bowled, played basketball, and was a drum major with the marching band. After graduating she went to Laurel School of Business Administration in Meriden and then went to work at one of the International Silver factory offices.

Because she was quite a bit younger than her siblings, they were getting married and having kids when she was still a teenager! Her older brother Lou and his wife Irene, had their first child, Judith, when Betty was 19. This is the same Judy who was such an incredible help to us before her diagnosis, during her illness, and when she died. Judy and Betty had a close relationship because of the time spent together when Judy was growing up. My sisters and I share a close relationship with Judy’s kids they are both smiling down on.

She traveled quite a bit based on the postcards she wrote and then took them back from family members she sent them to! She and her sister Tootsie took a trip to Texas in 1943 to visit their brother Connie while he was in the army. The following year, she and her friends traveled to California to visit her mother’s sister, Tante Lizzie, and Uncle Ben who lived in Los Angeles. There were also many trips to Atlantic City, Washington DC, and one trip to a ranch in New York to ride horses! Her photos from these trips were all put in albums and labeled with names and dates and are a wonderful look back at her life.

She also had a few boyfriends! She and her girlfriends were always in pictures with different guys, but I’m sure they were just friends! There was one though, Angelo Losi, that her sister Judy says my mom really thought she would marry. Another serious one was a young man in the army from Boone Iowa. Unfortunately, his mother died and he went home, never to return. But, as we know, everything happens for a reason!

While working in an office and bowling in a league, Betty became friendly with Helen Jakiela and Helen’s brother John would give them a ride home. Helen knew something was up when John started bringing her home first! I don’t know what year this was but I do know that they dated for a few years because Betty gave John an ultimatum of “either propose or move on!”. That was the nudge that John needed. They were engaged and got married on November 8, 1952.

Janice came along in September of 1958 and “the twins” Nancy and Gail in April of 1960. They bought the house I now live in on Atkinson Lane in May of 1961 with its 4 bedrooms sitting on almost a half acre of land with apple trees, a cherry tree, raspberry bushes, and more. A dream house for a family of five!

Betty was a full-time mom until we were in 4th and 6th grade. She was very involved with Mother’s Circle at Holy Trinity Church, Mother of Twins Club, and any bake sales or book clubs happening at school. She was the president of both organizations. When the church started its bazaar, she was always involved in running a booth and eventually was chairman of the whole thing!

She went back to work as an office manager for different small companies and helped my dad with the bookkeeping at the paint store. Her last job was working for our neighbor’s construction company. There were 2 brothers who built many of the developments in Wallingford. Her office would move at the start of every development to the first home built. She really enjoyed working for them and with the other employees and talking with their friends who would stop by the office. We remain good friends with them and their children whom we used to babysit!

Her last big adventure before she got sick, I told you about it in my first post was when she won a trip to Ireland on St. Patrick’s Day 1986. She and my dad flew there in August and spent a week on a bus tour and also on their own. They had a wonderful time and she brought us back wonderful gifts. I’m so glad they had that one final adventure to remember before everything happened.

So this was Betty’s life up to her illness. Next time will be about what made Betty – Betty.

The Season of Betty Part 2

This story is going to take some turns and dips – not unlike any story that comes from the mouths of Jakiela girls! If you missed Part 1 – you can find it here. It’s where it all begins in the fall of 1986.

As days went by in January of 1987, I noticed she was staying up into the middle of the night. I would see the light on downstairs (she was a bit of a night owl anyway). One night I heard my father crying in the bedroom and marched downstairs and asked her “what are you doing? Why are you still up?” and started crying. I climbed into her lap and she held me until I stopped. You know in her mind, she was terrified, but never said what she was thinking. Shortly after that, my father and sister took her to her doctor. He sent them to Meriden-Wallingford Hospital for a CT Scan and MRI on Friday, January 31, 1987.

I remember very clearly I was at the copy machine in the Traffic Department at WTNH when I heard my name being called over the speakers that I had a telephone call. I picked it up and heard my sister Gail say, “Mommy has a brain tumor. She’s at the hospital. Do you want Marty (Gail’s husband) to come and pick you up?” I said no, talked of meeting at the hospital, and hung up. I told my friends in the area and then my boss and left for the hospital. Jan got the same phone call and she headed down from her home as well. At that time the Meriden Hospital was on Cook Avenue. Ironically, the first time I was there was to be born, and the last was to hear my mother was going to die.

Once there, we met with a doctor who told us she had a Glioblastoma Multiforme which is a rapid growth brain tumor and was quickly taking over. Right after she was admitted, we saw an immediate and significant change in her. It was shocking. She must have struggled so hard to hide whatever she was going through! My heart breaks now when I think about it. Jan is a nurse and she helped us to make some sense of what was going on and was able to ask the medical staff questions and be direct until they answered!

I don’t know what was going through my father’s head. Probably “what the hell do we do now?!”. He owned and ran a paint store in Meriden that he had to man every day. We called family members to let them know what was going on. It was a foregone conclusion that mommy was going to die. Not if, but when. They gave her four to six months. My sisters and I sat in the hospital cafeteria and decided that we would bury her in the dress she bought for Gail’s wedding. She bought this dress and would not tell anyone how much she spend on it! We had all quickly accepted the fact that this was happening and we couldn’t change the outcome.

There was no Hospice in 1987 like we know it now. Connecticut Hospice in Branford had just opened in 1980! Immediately, Aunt Tootsie (mom’s oldest sister by 13 years) and Auntie Edna (dad’s sister-in-law/wife of oldest Brother Steve) offered to come and stay with her Monday through Friday so we could continue working. What a relief!

We got through the weekend and I took Monday off to spend time with my mother in the hospital. I thought the brain tumor was definitely taking over when she told me she was going home that day! What the heck?! I went to the nurses’ station and sure enough, she was being discharged. It was just me with my little Dodge Colt getting my mother into the car. I called my father from the hospital payphone or when we finally got home but we were not prepared!

Once home we got her settled in a chair and brought a bed downstairs and set it up in the dining room. She was very unsteady on her feet and it was clear this thing was still growing. I started sleeping on the couch in the living room that night in case she needed anything and we all settled in on our first night of a new existence.

The Season of Betty Part 1

I think I’ve always wanted to put this period of time in writing because it was a huge turning point in my life. It was the end of me and the beginning of me all rolled into one.

My mother, Betty, started acting oddly in the fall of 1986. She and my father took a trip to Ireland that she WON on St. Patrick’s Day that March through WELI radio. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was upstairs after taking a shower, hearing a shout and a crash, and immediately thinking “oh my God, they said her name!”. And yes, they did, and they hung up on her because she was so excited! The trip was great and they had a wonderful time together but shortly after that, she became more forgetful than usual.

By 1986, I was the only daughter living at home and my three-plus-year relationship had ended in October. Which was probably for the best with what lie ahead. December rolled around and I noticed she hadn’t done any Christmas shopping. She always shopped for all of us and would have stacks of presents on Christmas morning (sometimes wrapping until the early hours!). It took her out to the stores in Hamden and we shopped for everyone, including me!

The holiday went well and we all got together again that week because Aunt Judy and Uncle Mal were in town. I went to work in the morning and then headed over in the afternoon and Mom was home and was coming on her own. We waited, and waited. When we called, she said she was coming, she’d be there soon and we waited some more. When she finally came, she fell asleep on the couch head back in the crowd of people.

After the first of the year, things just got stranger. All my life, Sunday mornings we went to church for 9:15 mass. But suddenly, she’d still be sitting reading the paper at 9 am. We’d hustle her up to get ready and we’d barely make it. Another Sunday, it was Auntie Edna’s surprise birthday party at the Knight’s hall and we barely made it before the guest of honor!

I worked at Channel 8 in the Programming Department and I would come in every morning and laugh and say “oh my God you won’t believe what my mother did last night!”. Until one day I came in and said to my boss “I think there’s something wrong with my mother”, and burst into tears. Larry Manne, bless his soul, rolled with it, listened, and gave me a hug.

Shortly after that, Gail and I reached out to our cousin Judy Behme. Judy was our first cousin and my godmother and her kids were our age and she was someone we always knew we could turn to. I was at Judy’s house and we were on the phone with Gail trying to figure out what was going on. I think at one point an actual thought we all agreed on was “I hope it’s a brain tumor and not Alzheimer’s” because, with a tumor, there could be surgery and recovery! Little did we know….

Who Was Jacob Engram Jr.?

So now that DNA revealed a new paternal biological grandfather for me and my sisters, who was he?! But first, let’s get the Ingram / Engram out of the way. I don’t know what the deal is with that! The 1910 Census lists them as Drumgram because of the census taker’s handwriting. Five years later in the New York State census, they are listed as Engram. I prefer INGRAM but will probably use them both. Without further adieu, here’s what I know –

He was the third born of Jacob Ingram (b. about 1861) and Katherine Duy (b. 8 Aug. 1865). The children were was Theresia (1894), Louis (1894 – died 22 April 1900), Jacob (11 July 1895), Katherine (2 Mar 1998), Elizabeth (abt. 1900), Louise (abt. 1920), and Hannah-who changed her name to Joan (about 1907).

His father was a gardener/farmer. In 1910, he (father), was listed as a gardener on a farm and self-employed. They lived in the Bronx in the area of Wickham Avenue/Astor Estate. Jacob was 14 years old.

In 1915, they are all in the area of Pelham Parkway in the Bronx and Jacob Jr was 19 years old and also farming.

On October 27, 1916, his mother Katherine died at the age of 51. I have not dived into the NY state records to see if I can find an actual death certificate for her but my newly realized half-aunt was told influenza.

Jacob Ingram, Jr., abt. 1918 before going overseas during WWI

Jacob Jr was inducted into the US Army on April 1, 1918 and was overseas from July 18, 1918 until July 13, 1919, and discharged on the 23rd of July 1919. He was with the Company C 312nd infantry and more on that at another time.

We know from census records and city directories that Julianna Ingram and Konrad Posluszny lived in Yonkers NY with their four children. Aunt Judy Bellafronto told me in one of our phone interviews, that she remembers her parents helping out at her “Uncle Jack’s farm” in the Bronx. I think she was referring to the elder Jacob because she also said that her mother kept her Christmas tree up until until “her cousin” came home from the war.

A quick count on my fingers shows that if my mother was born in April of 1922, Julianna and Jacob’s relationship possibly began after he came home from the war. Was it a one time thing? A mad love affair? We’ll never know….

Julianna Ingram, Konrad Posluszny, and Antoinette picture about mid-late 1909

But we know this…. The Poslusznys were still in Yonkers for the 1920 Census (January) and Konrad is listed in the 1921 Yonkers city directory as a hatter, but another Aunt Judy story was they moved to Massachusetts. Aunt Judy said her mother hated it so much she didn’t want to unpack any boxes. Next thing we know, my mother Elizabeth is born on April 5, 1922 in New Britain where they are living at 15 Derby Street in a 2 story home of another Ingram cousin! Konrad is a hatter at 43-45 Broad Street in New Britain during 1923 and owns the Konrad Hat Company at 317 Main Street New Britain in 1924. By 1925 they have “removed to” Wallingford to their brand new home at 121 Clifton Street.

Did the relationship have something to do with the move out of Yonkers? We’ll never know.

Coming up — more information on Jacob Engram Jr, his family, and future family.

Questions Answered?

Back in January (!) I wrote a couple of posts about my mother and grandmother and a previously unknown relative who had a higher DNA match to me than my first cousins. Even as I wrote those posts, I already knew the answer but I guess I just didn’t want to put it out to the universe.

The DNA (and that chart that says “with X amount of DNA this person is this or that”) doesn’t lie – Joanne, the mystery relative is my half-aunt!

While I realize it doesn’t have a significant effect on my life, it’s still a WHOA moment. First of all, after 60 years we are Posluszny in name only?! Second of all, there are two whole new lines of ancestors. Third? Medical history! I have to correct some paperwork in the next few months!

So there he is – Jacob Engram Jr (somewhere in the early 1900s the Ingram became Engram) – my (and my sister’s!) biological grandfather. He and my grandmother, Julia Ingram Posluszny (don’t know the exact lineage there yet!) had a relationship which resulted in my mother being born in 1922. The family moved from Yonkers NY in 1920 to Massachusetts, then to New Britain CT in 1921 where they lived in a 2 family house with Ingram relatives.

Did they move because of that relationship? My grandmother was 7 years older than Jacob – and married! Let’s say it took place in 1920 – my grandmother was 32 (and married!), and he was 25 and single.

But if there’s any doubt about it, I received pictures from my Aunt Joanne and here is one with her and her father –

And one of my mother –

More to come…

A Glimpse of the Past

My biggest complaint about research family is I don’t want to know just dates and places, I want to know what life was like! I want to know what they were doing and feeling! Alas, aside from what I learn from Michelle, my favorite medium, I will never know.

But! As I was googling around Google, I was led to these!

Images of America – Throggs Neck – Pelham Bay

I can’t wait to get them! I love the one we have of Wallingford and I search the pictures for familiar locations and how they looked in the past. Although I won’t have that familiarity with Yonkers and Pelham Bay, I will be looking at places were my family lived and worked. You all know Yonkers is where Julia and Konrad Posluszny as well as a majority of his family lived before they moved northward to Connecticut. The Pelham Bay book is for Joanne and the other Ingram family I mentioned a post or two ago. Her father and grandfather had farms in the Pelham Bay Area and the book description mentioned the farmland in the area. I’m excited to get a glimpse and imagine one or two of the pictures are of their farms.

I may not get their actual memories but I will try to imagine them as I look through the books.