Moms – It's All About Family

In The Beginning

It’s a new year and a new list of topics for 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks! We’ll see how it all works out, but hopefully, I can also get some subjects on my hit list written.

Week 1 Topic for 2025 is In the Beginning. I’ve written a post already about how I got involved in Ancestry so I’m taking this in a different direction. What better topic than my parents who started it all!

My mother, Elizabeth Ann Posluszny was born in 1922, and my father, John Steven Jakiela in 1924. They attended Lyman Hall High School together and my dad’s brother Walter was in my mother’s graduating class. I don’t know if they knew each other through their school years.

After high school, my mother went to Lauren Business School in Meriden and then went to work at Factory A of the International Silver Company. My dad worked at the Wallingford Steel Mill during high school and continued afterward until he headed to England in 1943. He returned to that job when he came home in 1945, and then he moved on to the paint store.

My mother and my dad’s sister Helen worked together at International Silver and belonged to a bowling league. My Auntie Helen told me that he would pick them up and drop off my mother at her home at 121 Clifton Street, and then he and Helen would go home. Auntie Helen realized something was happening when my dad started dropping her off first and then taking Betty home!

She also told me that “your mother said he’d better get off the pot and do something or she was moving on”. Suffice it to say they were married on November 9, 1952.

A little fun fact: Before their wedding, in January of 1952, John took a trip to Florida. I have an undocumented memory of him and his older brother Steve going there to see their brother Walter when he arrived stateside from wherever he had been. I wrote about him in March of 2024.

John sent some cute postcards to Betty while he was gone. He even put little notes under the stamps.

Betty was 30 on her wedding day and John was 28. Her mother was a widow and John lived with his oldest brother and his family so there was not likely a lot of money for a wedding but it was still beautiful. She had a timeless dress that was later worn by my sisters for their weddings. John and his groomsmen were in handsome morning suits.

*Steve Jakiela, John, Betty, and Tootsie Posluszny*

They left for a Florida honeymoon from the reception.

They lived in Meriden early in their marriage as Betty continued to work in the office at International Silver and John continued to work for Lacourciere Paint Company.

They hung around with John’s sister Helen and her future husband Ticker (Joseph) Jordan. They were married in May of 1953. They all loved to spend time at the Rocky Neck State Beach and vacation together in South Carolina.

They moved from Meriden to a cute rental on Carlton Street in Wallingford which was 2 blocks from her childhood home. Janice, Gail, and I were born when they were living there and we were likely busting out of the seams when we moved a year later to our beloved home at 15 Atkinson Lane.

Their marriage wasn’t perfect, but it worked for them. My dad loved having three girls and always said he wouldn’t want it any other way. He took us on bicycle and walking adventures and my mother instilled in us the love of reading.

They were the beginning of our family and the families my sisters and I created.

Mental Health

The topic for Week 36 of 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is “We Don’t Talk About It”.

My grandfather, Konrad Posluszny, committed suicide in the early morning of December 28, 1944. He was a night janitor at the Wallingford Steel Mill, where he had access to the offices and storerooms and that is where he got the gun he used. It was written up in the afternoon Meriden Daily Journal on the 28th, and then the next day, the morning paper, the Meriden Record, had a much more dramatic telling of the tragedy.

Years after it happened, my Aunt Tootsie told me “a gypsy told my father he was going to die by a gun and so he didn’t allow them in our home”.

As the second article mentions, he might have been “brooding over the dangers that might befall his son” my Uncle Connie who was assigned to duty in New Guinea. My uncle was a cook in the Army but I never found any records for him in the Fold3 website. My Aunt Judy did talk about him having to “pack up the kitchen” when they were being relocated.

*Julianna (Gram), Connie, Konrad (Gramp*) *1943 or 1944*

Would he have committed suicide because he was worried about his son? Not likely, unless there were mental health issues to begin with.

Which brings me to something else my Aunt Tootsie told me in one of our conversations. She said “when he was in the hospital”, the doctor allowed him to have beer because “he needed it”. Crazy right? It makes me think he was maybe in a hospital for mental health issues. This post from conversations with my Aunt Judy and my cousin Judy, talks about my grandfather and grandmother relationship.

*Konrad with his daughter Julia in 1937*

Another piece of the puzzle comes from my first experience with a medium in 2013. I realize a lot of people don’t believe in mediums or what they say, but hey, my grandfather believed what the Gypsy said! This medium said my grandfather committed suicide, was there with my mother, he later mentioned the gun shot and the depression he suffered from all his life. If you’re interested you can go to YouTube, search for CT Buzz and the look for Medium and Life Guide Phil Quinn. It’s 7:40 long and you might recognize a younger me in the screenshot. During either this reading or another, Phil told me that my grandfather suffered from profound depression and he didn’t have a joyful day in his life.

That makes me think about how he started out as a hatter, ended up with a hat company of his own, he had a patent for a cleaning solution for straw hats, but died as a janitor at a steel mill. I told the story about the family profession here. I feel such sadness for him to have had so much and then nothing. Was it because of this depression that caused my aunt to say her mother had more balls than her father?

Unfortunately, he wasn’t the only person in the family suffering from mental illness…

My great-uncle Frank Posluszny, spent at least 10 years in the Essex County Hospital (for the Insane) in Cedar Grove, New Jersey. The 1910 and 1920 censuses, show his occupation as a Hatter. However, by the April 27, 1930 census, he was an inmate at the hospital and was there again in the 1940 census. A section in this census asks if this is the same residence as 1935, and the response for Frank is “same residence”. I have not been able to find any death record for Frank but it might be safe to say he spent the rest of his years at the county hospital. He and his wife had three children.

Frank and Josephine Posluszny wedding photo. Brother Charles back left, step father Jon Bonk, back third from left, mother Caroline seated left, sister Mary seated right — *Frank and Josephine’s wedding photo. His brother Charles is top left, stepfather Jon 3rd from left, mother Caroline seated left, and sister Mary seated right*

My great-aunt Elizabeth Posluszny Laçz, left her husband and two children behind and disappeared in 1923 or 1924. Her sister Mary, hired a private detective but he never found her. She came up in a medium reading I had years ago and I was told she had a complete breakdown and created an entirely new life. I have never found records of her or her children but I wonder if there is a trace of them among any of my DNA matches.

The Posluszny Family. Elizabeth is bottom right, next to her mother. She is approximately 9 years old. — *Posluszny family photo – Frank 2nd from left in back, Konrad back far right, Elizabeth front right seated*

I never had a conversation with my mother about the death of her father. She was 22 when it happened and I can’t imagine how they felt getting that knock on their door that morning. All I knew as I was growing up was that he died a long time ago.

Today we are all better educated about mental health and we are able to express how we are feeling either to each other or a therapist. A little part of me knows that the DNA we got from our dad’s side of the family evened us all out!

My Favorite Discovery

The Week 33 topic for 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is – My Favorite Discovery. I’ve had a few discoveries over the last 25 years. My favorite discovery has a good side / not-so-good side, but it makes me happy.

The road to this discovery started in 2004, when my cousin Judy Posluszny Behme passed away and her husband brought me all her ancestry paperwork. She and I were working parallel, we didn’t share information or ask questions about what we had. I knew she was also working on it, but not much more!

The papers included email correspondence from someone named Joanne. Judy had sent a letter to Anna Engram, Joanne’s mother. I don’t know whether the letter was ancestry-related or just perhaps a Christmas card to Aunt Tootsie’s list of people. Who knows how long it had been since cards had been sent out but it was a smart idea to use the list for information too!

emails from 2/7/2001, 2/25/2001, and 11/18/2004

The top 2 emails are from Joanne to Judy in February 2001, 2 weeks apart, and the bottom one is my email to Joanne in November of 2004.

Joanne responded right away. She still didn’t know who she visited as a young girl but recalled a wedding in Wallingford “of a woman relative who was marrying at ‘mid-age'” and “this may have been a cousin? to my Dad”.

Through our emails, she told me about her father, Jacob Engram Jr., and his father, Jacob, who immigrated from Austria-Hungary and was a farmer. While growing up her father lived in the vicinity of today’s Bronx-Whitestone Bridge, and later on a rented farm in the Pelham Bay area. I knew there was some family connection because my grandmother loved her flowers and tending to her gardens.

My Aunt Judy helped put some pieces together in a phone conversation in November 2004. According to Judy, Uncle Jack Ingram had a farm “in Long Island”, and her parents would go there from Yonkers and help out. Uncle Jack had a son, Jack, who was in World War I and Aunt Judy remembered her mother kept up her Christmas tree until February, when “her nephew” Jack came home. The dates don’t add up but it’s interesting how that story got passed down. Jack served overseas during World War I from July 18, 1918, to July 13, 1919.

We continued our correspondence through the remainder of the year and determined that she attended my parent’s wedding on November 9, 1952. 72 years ago today! Joanne was only 7 years old so an older bride and a partially bald groom would be considered “mid-aged” in her eyes!

We emailed back and forth a few times and then didn’t talk again until 2016 and again in 2018. Life is like that sometimes!

And then, her kids gave her a DNA kit for Christmas in 2018. In March of 2019, we confirmed we were related. Oh boy, were we related! We were so much related that she and I shared twice the cMs compared to me and my first cousins. It also explained why some DNA matches were only between us and not between my maternal cousins.

I went to the experts – the Ancestry DNA Facebook group. My question “Why do I share 1,040 cMs with this person and only 527 and 467 with my first cousins” was met with “You need to talk to your mother”. Since my mother had been gone for 32 years by 2019, I answered my own question.

Joanne was my half aunt and her father, Jacob Engram, Jr., was also my mother’s father.

Shocked is putting it mildly.

My initial reactions were: 1) The work I’ve done on the Posluszny and Straub side was all for nothing!, 2) All the DNA matches associated with the last name “Duy” made sense because that was Jacob’s mother’s maiden name and, 3) not only were Julianna and Konrad Posluszny related (3rd cousins perhaps), but geez, Julianna and Jacob were related as well!

If there was any question of being related, I have the photographic proof:

That would probably be the bad side of the discovery because it did shake me up a bit.

I’m fascinated by the timing because my grandmother and family were living in New Britain in 1921 when she would have become pregnant. Did she know? Did she tell him her suspicions? Did their relationship continue after my mother was born? This is where I’d love to be a time traveler (and I’d have to let it happen again so that I would be assured I exist!).

The good side of the discovery is that I have an aunt! Jacob married in 1934 and had a daughter in 1945. Although she and my mother never knew each other, they did meet and/or knew about each other as a part of the family. Joanne lives in Pennsylvania and we have not met face to face yet. We are Facebook friends and we share any ancestry information we come across.

So this event would definitely qualify as my favorite discovery!

Family Worship

The topic for week 13 of 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is – Worship.

My maternal and paternal sides of my family have always been catholic. I have no church records of their marriages in the United States but I have baptism records for almost all of my parents’ siblings. My Posluszny family likely attended St. Mary’s Church in Yonkers New York as it was the oldest Catholic Church and about a half mile from their Jefferson Street home.

After their move to Wallingford, my Great Aunt Mary Posluszny Biega and her family attended St. Casimer’s Polish National Church. There was/is also a Polish Catholic Church, Saints Peter & Paul in Wallingford so I’m not sure of their decision to go to one over the other – possibly location. My Aunt Judy talked about my grandmother acting in the plays at St. Casimer’s with my Great Aunt Mary (her sister-in-law) directing, so I’m assuming she attended that church! At some point, my mother’s family switched to Holy Trinity Church. I speculate it had something to do with my cousin Judy, the first grandchild, attending Holy Trinity School in the mid-1940s. There would be 13 Posluszny related cousins attending the school over the course of 40 years.

The Biega family and my great grandmother Carolina Posluszny/Bonk continued at St. Casimer’s and are buried in its cemetery. While Holy Trinity has a beautiful spacious cemetery not far from the center of town, St. Casimer’s is off an industrial road on the south end of town near the highway and train tracks. In fact, you used to cross over the tracks at section WITHOUT ANY GATE OR SIGNAL. Yes, I put that in all caps because our neighbors (father, daughter, and son-in-law) were hit by a train while crossing the tracks in their car in 1992. That amazes me that the crossing was still allowed in the 1990s.

Interesting aside about Holy Trinity Church…I met an older woman years ago while on a work appointment. She was Italian and grew up in the Colony Street area of Wallingford. She said Holy Trinity Church was started by the Irish in Wallingford in 19847 and a brief rundown of the priests in the church’s history reads like a Dublin phone book – McGarisk, O’Reilly, Teevens, Quinn. The Italians were not made to feel very welcome in the church so they created their own women’s society within the church. Perhaps that’s why the town still has two Polish churches!

Once my paternal Jakiela side settled in Southington CT, they attended The Church of the Immaculate Conception where my Uncles Steve and Eddie made their first communion.

After my grandmother Antonia died, my grandfather and his five children moved to Wallingford and they began attending Saints Peter and Paul Roman Catholic Church. My dad, his brother Walter, and his sister Helen all made their first communion there. The boys were altar boys and Helen cleaned the altar for the priest.

*Helen – 2nd row 4th from left abt. 1930*

After their father died tragically in 1935 the priest worked with Steve, the oldest sibling, to be sure the family stayed together by offering to “be their guardian” in the event the state tried to separate them. Thankfully that didn’t happen!

My Uncle Steve’s family must have continued to attend Sts. Peter and Paul after their first two children were born. Charles, their oldest, wanted to attend Holy Trinity School. In order to get free or discounted tuition, they needed to be parishioners of Holy Trinity Church as so they did. That began a Jakiela tradition of all eight Wallingford cousins graduating from Holy Trinity School.

As a family, my parents, sisters and I went to Holy Trinity Church every Sunday for the 9:15am mass. We sat in the same general area and looked the back of the same heads every week. We also attended mass with our classes for holy days. I enjoyed walking down the hill to the church on those days! I was not crazy about going to mass every Sunday and wished that we took a summer break from church like we did with school. Even when we were on vacation, we went to Sunday mass at the local church!

After mass we would head to Boylan’s Market to pick up the Sunday newspapers – New Haven Register, New York Daily News, and a Boston paper – and drop off a paper to our grandmother and Aunt Tootsie.

We all made our first communion and I was annoyed we didn’t get to wear pretty dresses like Janice did! we made our confirmations and had our 8th grade graduations at church as well. Janice and Gail both were married at Holy Trinity.

When my mother died in April of 1987, her funeral mass was one of the last times I attended church before I moved to California that October. I didn’t stop because I was upset with God or anything but I was going because I didn’t want to disappoint my mother. Weird I guess, but we do what we do.

My father continued to attend of course and looking back I really admire his faith. Not the “I have faith in you” kind, but his religious faith. It’s not always easy. He started attending the late Saturday afternoon mass and afterwards, he would drop off the mass bulletin to my Aunt Tootsie, my mother’s oldest sister. He probably did that right up until his heart surgery.

He died in 2010 on Palm Sunday. The nursing home distributed palms that morning and they were in his room when he died. I still have them. As he told the medium in the first reading I had, “I died an angel’s death Phil”, meaning he didn’t feel anything, he didn’t suffer. Fitting for a person who worshipped until the end.

My Family Influencer

The theme for week 5 of 52 Ancestors in 52 Weeks is “Influencer”.

The definition of Influencer is “a person or thing that influences another”. That person could be none other than my mother, Elizabeth Posluszny Jakiela.

She was born in 1922, the youngest of five children with an age gap of five years between her and her sister.

After high school she went to a business school and learned bookkeeping and worked at one of the several silver factories in the area. She got married while working there and continued to work until pregnant with my older sister. Eighteen months later, she had me and my twin sister.

When I started fourth grade, she went back to work, first for a temp agency and then a permanent job so she juggled family and work.

When my dad purchased the paint store he had worked at for years, she jumped right in to take care of the bookkeeping, heading to the store after her day was done at her paying job.

Even with this, she found time to volunteer at school events, participated in women’s church groups, school groups, and was an assistant troop leader for our Girl Scout troops.

When our church began running a carnival in the early 1970s, she jumped right in to volunteer wherever she was needed. Only a few years went by before she was selected to be the chairman of the event. She never backed down from a challenge and she loved being a part of it and continued to volunteer up until she passed away.

My sisters and I all got married and raised our children, found the time to volunteer in their schools and in our community.

Personally, I went to school to be an administrative assistant and have worked with my husband for 25 years in his remodeling business as his bookkeeper and office manager. I definitely inherited that from her!

My mother will be gone 37 years on April 4th and I know she would be proud of the influence she had on her three girls, and her grandchildren in turn.